It has been free couple of weeks for me with nothing to do except sitting around all day, sleep, eat, watch a movie or two, surf the net and sleep some more because college is out. They have given us something they call vacation and something I call a waste of my time. Instead of doing something worthwhile like maybe a project or analysis of something in the field, they have opted to give us some time off to relax. Well that wasn't exactly their intention, but that is what I’m doing and it’s driving me insane.
The vicious circle of Food-Television-Food-Internet-Food-Sleep is like a never ending black hole that is pulling me infinitely into itself. It is like the drunken stupor that doesn't see the bottom of the bottle, it is the quicksand that is pulling my very being into its abyss, it is that storm in which my senses have stopped working, it is that maelstrom from which I see no hope and it is that pit of hell from where there seems to be no salvation.
To have no set objective for the next day is indeed a dangerous place to be in and I know it because it does feel like everything is pointless and that I might as well watch another movie than try doing something worthwhile like writing this blog post.
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I am like one possessed. IT feels like a parasite growing inside me, constricting my lungs and making a little place for itself; little by little. IT thinks I do not notice and till yesterday, IT might have been right, but now I know that IT is in me and I know ITS name; it is SLOTH. This being has permeated my insides in such a way that it feels like there is no escape. Even though I know that I will eventually do something, the here and now frightens me.
At this very moment, IT knows that I’m doing something and that is giving IT pain. IT cannot bear to see me working and I feel like just putting my laptop aside and slipping away into blessed oblivion until sundown. IT wants me to just lie down and close my eyes which are strained by the harsh light in my laptop and I feel the urge to heed IT but then I steel my resolve and continue in the hope that those who read of my plight do not let themselves fall wherein I've fallen and beware that every moment they do nothing is a moment where IT is waiting for you to fall into ITS outstretched tentacles. Waiting like the silent predator it is, for you to give yourself up willingly and consume your will to do anything at all.
Beware! For IT is always watching from the darkest corner of your soul, the part of you that wants to stop living the dog’s life and just relax. It is there, just waiting for you to take one wrong step and then IT will pounce, like a tiger upon a gazelle; and it will be only with immense determination that you will be able to escape its grasp.
Run little gazelle, run…