Tuesday, 7 May 2013

Of Left & Right & Wrong & Right

They say, “Early to bed, early to rise…” OK I forgot the rest, but you know what I mean. But it’s getting nigh impossible for me to wake up before 9:30 in the morning because I don’t sleep before 3:00 in the night. And, I absolutely HAVE to wake up before 9:30 because my Car driving class starts then. Well, they aren't so strict about timings there so that’s cool but the horror starts after I sit in the car. I've just woken up, hurriedly worn something remotely decent while brushing my teeth, forgotten to comb my hair, with bathroom slippers on my feet, no tea in my gut and wearing the afore-mentioned Terminator shades to hide my red-shot eyes.

The instructor there at the institute changes every day so I often don’t realize who’s throwing instructions at me. This may be so either because my sleep-addled brain can’t pay attention to both, the instructor and the road or because I don’t care enough so early in the morning (without tea). You see, I’m not really a morning person. But due to my sleepiness, I've discovered my Superpowers, oh yeah! I can differentiate my driving instructors simply by the commands they issue on the road! How many people can do THAT?

So I've figured out that I’m being taught by three instructors on a daily rotational basis. Since I don’t know their names (obviously), I have made up names for them with their major characteristics.

1.)    Severus ‘Handlebar’ Snape:

So this guy comes in and says, “Start the car” in such a monotone that my hand automatically goes to the keys and as soon as the engine whirs, his hand is on the steering wheel. After that, his hand only comes off after we’re finished with the lesson. Along with the curt commands and almost dictatorial command over the pedals, I feel like I’m ‘LEARNING’ to drive the car on bloody Autopilot.

2.)    Michael ‘Pitstop’ Schumacher:

The man with the need, the NEED FOR SPEED. He just lets me pull the car out on the road and gives me free reign of the raw power beneath my legs. He sits back, turns up the volume on the stereo and asks me to hit it! This incredible teacher taught me how to brake and go without hitting stuff or rolling down slopes. He makes me stop – go – stop – go and then vroooooom… to the end of the road. Basically, I like him… a Lot.

3.)    Akshay ‘Joker’ Kumar:

Then there is the man who never stops talking and cracking jokes that only he understands and laughs on while I try with all my patience not to drive the car into a tree or the back of a truck or into a wall. While he’s not joking or spitting out of the window, he tells me to stay left, once even when there was a bulldozer coming up the wrong way. I swung into the fast lane anyway to avoid turning into bread and just missed being hit by a trailer from the other side. We had to stop while he took a moment to compose himself. He’ll never joke about THAT, I bet!

So, this is how I've been starting my mornings since the last week and will continue this routine for the next two. Hope my adventures continue to get even more interesting…