When Parents FAIL their Children all over again

Some parents I’ve noticed have this annoying habit. A habit they do not realize does more harm than good; a habit that discourages instead of bringing improvement; a habit that affects the psyche instead of the outlook; a habit that is akin to kicking someone who has fallen, laughing in their face, and then telling them how much you love them.

This is the habit of parents showing the whole world what spectacular and utter failures their children are by putting their shortfalls on full display before all to see and then inviting some more people to come and have a good laugh that’ll brighten up their day. This will then probably lead to an innocent either jumping from the terrace or hanging from the fan if they’re not strong enough to take the insult or smart enough to understand its purpose.

Let’s face it, there are such parents. And what’s worse, they are more in number than those parents who like to show the world that their children are the best in the whole wide world. Admittedly, that isn’t any good either, extremes rarely are, but at least it is talked about and ridiculed. However, the other end of the spectrum? It isn’t talked about in the way the adulation is spoken of. It is hardly ever criticized in society that is.

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There is rarely one who is strong enough to stand up to the parents and ask them to stop the rigmarole because at that moment, the child is the one who has let the parents down, who has tarnished the family name, who has failed in class, who has lost the competition, who has bunked a class, ho didn’t get into a good college, who didn’t get that gold medal, who didn’t care about what parents wanted. The child is to blame fair and square.

But one would think that parents, before using this innovative method of insulting their children before family and friends, would stop for a moment and think about what this would achieve.

Does ridicule raise confidence?

Does insult dull the injury of failure?

Does shame induce self-confidence?

Does derision ensure better performance?

Does humiliation beget better results?

Does indignity tend to inspire?

These are the questions that these parents need to ask themselves before going out into that party and shaming their children before others because you never know how someone will react to such shaming.

Your children might not understand that you do it out of love or desperation or some other sort of correctional method. In that moment, they just know pain all over again.

For some, it is too late. For others, it is not.

Please find a better way.

I’ve been meaning to write about this topic for quite some time now and a friend fortunately brought it up on Facebook recently. She saw this happening on an Indian soap opera and spoke out against it which led me to ultimately writing this piece. If you do think the problem is real, share this post with either the student who is suffering from this, or with the parent who thinks ridicule only makes things better.

Owning up to the Real Issues at Hand

We see and are a part of a number of things that are wrong in society in daily life. We want to make them better, we want to be better as a civilization and we strive towards that very common goal with the rest of humanity.

But we sometimes lose sight of the bigger picture either by quickly finding someone to blame or getting caught up in unnecessary nuances that hide the real issue, which is then left to stagnate and dealt with at a later date.

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These are the issues that really need to be dealt with, the crux of the matter, the questions we should really be asking. Divided by categories, here are the real issues and their tangents we have been obsessing over.

Crime

Radhe Maa in a skirt or Radhe Maa abetting suicide

The self-styled ‘Godwoman’ known as Radha Maacame into the news recently for her apparently racy photos in which she is wearing a short skirt or a dress. Although the real issue of her involvement in the death of a woman in a dowry case came to light, everyone was obsessed more about her short skirt than her abetment of suicide. That says more than one thing about the Indian mindset.

Defence

Japan’s new defence bill or Chinese aggression in South Asia

Everyone, from pacifists, to students, to academicians, to the common people are opposing a bill cleared by the lower house of Japanese parliament that will allow their military to help their allies fight threats. This means, Japanese forces will once again be able to deploy beyond their shores. What is not being taken into consideration however, is the Chinese aggression in the South China Sea that is taking a turn for the worse and Japanese self-defence may be reliant on reciprocation of the same to its allies.

Social Issue

Politics or Human Rights in the Israel-Palestine conflict

Political deadlock between Israel and Palestine seems to have become a permanent feature for that part of the world. With uncompromising parties on both sides giving no room for a peaceful reconciliation, the conflict seems in no hurry to end. However, human rights abuses, both by militant groups as well as police forces seem to be sidelined in favour of sovereign territorial disputes, settlements and violence on the streets.

Culture & Heritage

Protecting Monuments or Stopping Conflict

Cultural heritage all over the world is in constant danger of being enveloped into the conflicts that result in their unnecessary destruction or the threat thereof. The destruction f the Bamiyan Buddhas (Afghanistan), the looting of Iraqi national museum (Iraq), the allegations of the Taj Mahal being a temple (India) and the threat to Palmyra’s ruins (Syria) is very real and disheartening. Religious intolerance and conflict will continue to exist till there is a shift in mindset or in vested interests, but heritage will not come back once it is destroyed.

Education

The Porn Ban or the need for Sex Education

Amidst the uproar on whether the Indian government has any right to tell its citizens what to watch on the internet due to them banning over 800 porn sites, the real point of sex education and its despondent state in Indian education has been lost. The government has cited immorality as its feeble excuse to try to get away with its regressive policy but all everyone can be bothered with is the right to watch porn. What about the real bad effects it has on children? The answer is lost in the echoes of morality, decency and the freedom of the internet.

Religion

Fanaticism or Blame Game

Religious fanaticism exists in almost every religion and even examples seem unnecessary in this case. How much ever one tries to deny it, everyone knows that fringe elements exist in every religion, the people who are either too naïve to figure out that they are pawns in a bigger game and those who do so for their own vested interests. But popular concentration seems to be on placing the blame not on these elements alone but on a broader spectrum of people, most of whom abhor these elements and wish to see them wiped out as much as any sensible human being.

Time for a reality Check, maybe?

Hence, to say then that we aren’t actually facing up to the real threat wouldn’t be much of an overstatement. Time to see things in a broader perspective, don’t you think?

Porn Ban: An Alternate Solution

The recent impromptu porn ban initiated by the Union government of India who has advised ISPs to block more than 180 websites displaying explicit content has resulted in a subtle yet massive backlash by the Indian populace, the majority of which comprises of people under the age of 35.

Facebook, Twitter and the Blogosphere is awash with sarcasm, incredulity and outrage against the feeble excuse of those in power attempting to steer the nation away from things ‘immoral in nature’ and not befitting their standards of culture. Others in this list include homosexuality, beef and even language used in cinema. But there is also support from those who believe pornography to be the reason why rapes, sexual harassment and molestation plague this nation.

What is the truth?

Damned if anyone knows!

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The Case FOR Porn

While some call it a good measure, others believe that this ban will eventually lead to more frustration among people and will result in even more incidences that the government apparently wants to see a reduction in. Just like those who believe that legalizing prostitution will help bring down illegal trade, human trafficking and recognition for those who actually want to be in that profession, they also believe that porn at least lessens the chance of sexual frustration than what it could be in its absence.

The Case AGAINST Porn

There are adverse effects of porn too like heightened expectations from the real act of sex, the desire to try unrealistic things, act out dangerous scenes that border on line between the legal and illegal, and children getting sexual education from there in lieu of schools and colleges.

Is there Another Way?

Are these reasons enough to ban porn entirely or can other measures be taken to counter their side effects without trampling all over the freedom of the internet as is done in regressive nations like China and North Korea?

The Possible Solution

One possible remedy that comes to mind is to introduce actual sex education in Indian schools to tutor teenagers and adults alike in the ways of sex ,safe and unsafe, legal and illegal, realistic and unrealistic, what to expect and what not to, and how to prevent sexually transmitted diseases.

Sex Education can go a long way in preventing the misuse of porn and instead can better the knowledge of what sex is, what it does and how to safely engage in it. Do you have a better way?

Is the Illiterate better than the Educated?

The Narrative

So there was this friend of mine who had to go pay her electricity bill and then get to work. To her dismay, she found a long line of people waiting in line to pay their bills. That day she learnt not to wait for the last day to pay a bill. As you will see, a lesson well learnt.

So as she resigned herself to being late to work and getting half a day’s pay getting cut by getting in line, she knew that the boss was wasn’t going to happy. But this was more important. If she didn’t pay the bill today, a lot of other people wouldn’t be happy what with the earth-scorching heat in India rendering even industrial strength fans useless.

So there she stood, drops of sweat dripping down her forehead one by one like the ticking of the seconds hand on her watch. One bill got paid, two, three, four… and then something happened.

A man and someone who appeared to be his valet came into the office. They discussed something and the valet stepped into the back of the queue as his employer went striding directly into the office, not giving a damn to the incredulous looks of all those awaiting their turn.

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All this took place in slow motion for her. You see, time tends to slow down the longer you stand in a queue. Every minute becomes longer then the next and one gets the time to ponder upon every thought running in one’s mind till they simply run out eventually.

It was only after she had exhausted every other thought that her mind, craving activity, demanded that she divert herself studying those destined to sweat it out along with her to avoid doing so at home later.

It was then that the man and his valet had appeared from the sunlit doorway and proceeded to do the things they had.

Fast forwarding to five minutes later, when the man came out of the office, summoned his valet to get out of line and bring his car around. Their work there was done, the bill paid, the tea probably drunk and all without breaking a single drop of sweat.

Aghast was the word that she used to describe the expressions of her co –queue mates. Piercing stares followed the couple out the doors, looks probably reserved for the most hateful of criminals and dictators.

And the moment they left, chaos erupted throughout the office. And by chaos, I mean a wild, shouting, discourteous discourse between all those standing in the line. Maybe it wasn’t so dramatic but I’ve been assured it wasn’t murmured whispering of dissent either. Everyone was up in arms about the way that man’s bill had been paid for he had definitely come to pay the bill and he had done it by cutting the queue.

The Mindset

Cutting a queue is considered an act that is viler than even murder in India.

With such a population, queues always seem to be longer than the importance of work to be accomplished at the end of them. And although corruption is an accepted part of life now (debatable), it still invokes the kind of powerless hatred that comes with not being able to stop people who engage in it.

The Takeaway

At the end of this incident, an old woman made a very compelling statement that struck right at the heart of “educated” society. She said, and I paraphrase, “The way these literate people behave, it’s better to be illiterate.”

Such a poignant statement from one so experienced is not to be taken lightly and although the lady may be making a gross generalization enveloping all kinds of people under one umbrella of honesty and corruption, the thought dos have merit, at least in this case.

The Million Dollar Question

Assuming that you who read this are literate, allow me to pose a question:

Is the educated Indian really working towards abolishing corruption or engaging even more in its depravity?

The Burden of Great Expectations

To be or not to be - that is the question I asked myself when faced with the prospect of studying law a few years back.

It was a tough question, one I could not take lightly. To study for another five years, to study something else or to start working immediately after my graduation, these were the A-B-C options I had. I took the second option. I decided to study journalism.

My choice was a disappointment for many and a surprising move for others. But I had made it nonetheless.

Now, after two years, at the cusp of my post graduation degree and after the submission of my thesis on ‘Conflict Reportage in Indian English Newspapers’ I am finally sure that I indeed made the right choice.

However, now that I’ll be going out into the real world, I realize that the expectations of all those people who supported me as well as those who were skeptical of my choice are entirely too much. Over time, people have come to expect great things from those who complete their ‘Masters’ degree and the case is the same here.

I’m expected to get selected into a large firm, get a respectable position and draw a salary that an HR would choke on before doling it out to a fresher. Great expectations!

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Confidence in a person’s ability is great, but turning this person into Atlas by tossing him a world of expectations and saying, “Catch!” well that’s not cool. Time and experience is what takes someone to great heights and erecting an unreal pedestal before that helps nobody.

Hence, all you impertinent parents and teachers and friends and relatives, calm down.

It will happen… in Time.

Indian Media teaches Sexism to School Children Now!

Today, the results of the CBSE class 12 results were announced across India and the kids seemed to have done pretty well. Although I don’t believe in the present system of examination myself, I’m sure we have a lot of proud parents today and others who are saying, “Look, Sharmaji’s son got 0.2% more than you! Which college will accept you now? You have destroyed your career and my reputation!”

Meanwhile the media is all about ‘Girls score better than boys!’ ‘Girls beat boys’ and so on and so forth all over social media. They’ll probably do the same thing on the front page of their newspapers tomorrow morning. And well, the news channels will be doing it right now. Really! Go check.

Ever since this dialogue of sexism has come to the forefront in India, we have been all about the empowerment of women and highlighting their successes and praising their leadership skills. All that is well and good and it is actually helping. But then the media goes ahead and creates the kind of tension that is counterproductive to everything else they think they’re doing for women empowerment.

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While the only thing they’re doing is:

They’re creating unhealthy competition

Almost every media house in India has tweeted something to the effect that girls have performed better than boys in this academic year. What they don’t seem to realize is that they’re unconsciously widening the gender rift in academia which is already bad in India. Competition is good, but competition based on plain old gender divisive lines is ridiculous.

They’re creating familial rifts

Nobody can understand this point more than those who have risen in a house with a sibling of another gender. In a still very much patriarchal Indian society, a boy scoring less than a girl is perceived as a shame as it is assumed that the boy is going to be the breadwinner of the family. Looking at such headlines from the family perspective, the media is just putting more pressure on boys to do well. No wonder cases of suicides are going up every year.

Their idea of feminism is as evolved as a chimpanzee

The media wants to empower women but they either don’t know or don’t want to believe that feminism does not encourage putting one gender over the other. It is not about demeaning boys but about bring everyone to the same level. By saying, ‘girls outshine boys’ the only thing they’re proving is that they’re knowledge of feminism is as much as the politicians they label ‘sexist’.

Oh Indian media, when will you figure out what you're really doing?

Beyond Boundaries

Today I was watching a lesser known film titled ‘Einstein and Eddington’. For those who have not yet had the chance of watching it, the film is the tale of two scientists, one German and the other English, set in the backdrop of the First World War and meaning to show how science, which was at that time, the right hand of the military, transcended national identities to give a clearer picture of the universe as we know it today.

This blog post is not a review of the film but rather an amalgamation of thoughts that it evoked at its outset.

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The correspondence of scientists from two countries at war on a planet that is so miniscule that it fades into insignificance at the magnitude of the theory that one of them developed and the other attempted to prove says something about human endeavour and its burning passion for knowledge even in the most brutal of times.

The 1900s were probably not the best of times for free scientific research because of the pressures of continuous conflicts and the race to be at the forefront of technological innovation that was spurred on by warring factions in Europe.

Today, the times are different and collaboration has reached a level where it’s difficult to pinpoint which country developed what because scientific approach today is one where the entire race is benefited from work towards a common goal by shared research and development.

It is almost magical (and that’s an ironical adjective to use) to see how correspondence between two great and open minds helped to establish the new laws of gravity and its behaviour in the universe. What’s more is that an English scientist helped a German scientist prove Sir Isaac Newton wrong.

This uncommon, possibly dangerous and mildly traitorous collaboration at that time brought about future discoveries that would have otherwise been delayed by decades of war. And all it took was one moment of courage and determination by one scientist to pose a question to another who was looking to answer that very question but didn’t know how to.

This goes a long way in showing how much good humanity is capable of; it speaks of a glimmer of hope amidst the devastation of war and the continuous search for the truth in the bleakest times of barbarity that can be conjured up. The same mind that can unravel whole civilizations can also unravel the threads of the universe.

Humanity has two faces and even though it might feel like the good side is faded beyond recognition, it shines more brilliantly at the worst of times to give hope and satisfaction to those with faith.

Banned!

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The government has decided that anything that does not conform to their version of morality will be banned; in the interest of the nation of course. Any manuscript, painting, photograph or film that does not uphold the standards that our ‘conservative’ government holds true, will be removed from the history books so that the innocent minds of the country are not polluted by it. Any reproduction, for commercial purposes or otherwise will be disallowed and anyone even held on suspicion of talking about such things will be beaten up by the ideological goons that may or may not have the support of the government.

The idea of the freedom of expression in this country seems to be quite skewed when one notices that things relating to artistic expression, depiction of reality and the cause of showing society the mirror are viewed as being obtuse, rebellious even. And on the other hand, things relating to the apparently ‘correct’ view of society, such as they are; that is sanctioned by the government, are given a free hand even at the cost of the resignation of the entire censor board.

I suppose if and when there comes a time in the history of a nation when those who seek to portray the truth have to leave it and seek exposure and asylum in foreign nations, that nation is not ready to face its own ugly reflection in the mirror of reality. That nation is surely going down a path where the government doesn’t want to show the truth to the people and when that happens, I think it means all is not well in that nation.

If our government is not ready to accept the reality of an abominable incident that took place in the national capital under their very noses and is not ready to accept a film showing the inequities and shortcomings of the state machinery and the minds of the perpetrators, the government needs a reality check and a break from trying to keep the ugly truth from the people.

And if the government still wishes to just ban anything that is worthwhile, go ahead. We will just download the stuff and then upload it again till everyone gets to see what you’re trying to hide.

Public Display of Affection: The Debate

A lot of people in India have problems with other people hugging, kissing and fondling each other in public places. These people feel that such intimate things should only be done within four walls. Others believe that it is their personal choice to do whatever they wish, whenever they wish to, wherever they want. The argument between the two sides has been escalating for some time now owing to radicals in the former group who wish to preserve the morality of our streets.

There are several factors on which this debate has been raging and it came to the forefront of my thoughts yesterday when my friend brought up the topic. She asked me my opinion on the subject and I gave it. Fortunately, she had an opposing view of the same, which made for a lively discussion.

Here are some of the points we pondered upon.

Choice

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AGAINST: One cannot do anything at any place. People do gross things out on beaches and in gardens. One must see to believe.

FOR: People can do whatever they want until and unless it encroaches upon other people’s rights. Two consenting adults engaged in PDA have decided to do so out of their free will. Who has the right to stop them?

To Look or Not to Look

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AGAINST: It is right in one’s face and that it can be hard to avoid looking even if one tries.

FOR: One has the choice to look away if one is uncomfortable when people are engaged in PDA. It is entirely based upon viewer’s discretion. And it is actually sort of creepy if one stares at two people doing something to each other.

The ‘Kids’ Argument

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AGAINST: It affects kids and their mindset about what’s happening in society.

FOR: Today’s generation comes fully equipped to deal with any question. They have a best friend called Google and a cousin called television. Together, they teach the children so much that it cannot affect them to see it in real life.

AGAINST: But how would it affect them to see all these things happening around them.

FOR: They will ask question, uncomfortable questions. Questions that parents in India still loathe answering; questions that are avoided because the subject itself is taboo. It is only when these questions arise that India will open up to the idea of sex education in the country instead of denying outright that there is nothing like sex and that it is just a myth.

Being Gross

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AGAINST: It is absolutely gross what people do to each other in public places.

FOR: It is an expression of love.

AGAINST: One has to gross to know gross. Some of the things people do are outrageous.

FOR: If people do the same things in their bedroom, it is great. Secretly, everyone wants to do those things, but when others do it, it is gross. That is the hypocrisy of our nation. It is a matter of perspective.

Mindsets

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AGAINST: Do we think that PDA is something that only people of loose moral character engage in because we are brought up to think that way or is PDA really a threat to our morality?

FOR: Yes, we have grown up in a society where sex and everything associated with it is considered taboo. When we look from the lens of this puritanical morality, anything and everything will appear wrong. But, it is only by questioning ourselves, our teachings and logic can we come to any conclusion about the effect that PDA has on our society.

Note: This post has been written like this since it really did happen in this way. And yes, I didn’t want to reveal the name of the person involved in the argument or which sides either of us took. I would like the reader to decide which side makes more sense and I’d like to know what he/she thinks about this issue. Do let me know.

Indian Morality v/s Sex Education

Note: This post is not fit for those below the age of 18 since it contains explicit material which they should not be exposed to because they are Indians and Indian children should not be corrupted by the western culture that youngsters like me have fallen into. They should not be dirtied in the mire of sex; Boys till the age of 28 when they are ready to be married off to a girl aged between 18-21 without knowing how to react to their natural urges or menstruation or safe sex or family planning.

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Having given the above warning I now feel morally right to write about this taboo subject without any of those moral policemen coming up and beating me up to a pulp or parading me naked in the street or hanging me up in a tree or something. Well, you never know…

So it seems like some people who care entirely too much about the morality of Indian people are against sex education being introduced to children in school because they believe that it will have an adverse effect on the gentle and yet untouched minds of the younger generation. Mind you, a generation which thinks nothing of committing rape before the age of eighteen in a running bus, in the capital of the country. These people feel that sex education will tilt their children’s minds in the direction of that horrible and degrading act-which-must-not-be-named. Well, I don’t suppose they know how much porn their innocent children have stored in their hard drives and how much experimentation goes on, more often than not with disastrous consequences. Forgive them Lord, for they are the innocent ones, not their children!

It is curious indeed how hard it is for people to understand the importance of sex education. My generation did not have sex education and neither did any generation before me, except that which some smart parents imparted to their children. Now if we didn't have sex education and still we turned out to be alright, why do we need it now?

We turned out alright, did we? Then how does this generation and those before manage to rape women, spread sexual diseases, get frightened by menstruation, treat women in periods like untouchables, have a football team full of children, discriminate against homosexuals, repress their urges, hurt their partners during intercourse, randomly define unnatural sex, abhor transgender people, confuse their sexual orientation and don’t have a bloody clue about sex change procedures?

There must be a reason right? Yes, it is called lack of information on sex and gender and the role they play in forming society.

India has evolved from an apparently hedonistic society as one can make out from old temples and manuscripts into an ultra-conservationist and Puritanical society like England was in the time of the Lord Protector Oliver Cromwell. The difference is that the change in England came with the change in power while in India it happened over time with the influence of religion and imposed self-righteous morality.

In the course of this transition in India, it has become taboo to talk about sex and its affiliates to even one’s parents because everyone becomes very uncomfortable around these subjects. This problem especially seems to exist between father and son because a mother and daughter do talk about such things since they need to learn about their bodies, or so I've heard. Television channels are changed at the show of some skin and radio stations are changed as soon as a song with apparently explicit lyrics is played. If such is the situation, it is nigh impossible for children to learn what they need to except from those ‘non-existent’ sex education classes.

Modern educationists and leaders need to open their eyes to the need of the day and recognize the value of sex education to children who are today getting exposed to the same at a very young age owing to various factors I don’t need to expound upon. Nobody is innocent in this age of information (unless they live in China or North Korea). It is extremely necessary that children learn about their bodies, their urges and the problems that accompany the wrong use of the wrong things at the wrong age.

It will be a good day indeed when sex education is introduced throughout India.

The Working Children of India

We, the people of a stable financial standing often notice those who are far less fortunate than us. We see them everywhere, at least here in India, where the number of poor people far outnumbers the population of some small countries.

We noticed them as kids, understood the bitter facts of life and even felt sorry for them. But then we kept seeing them every time we left the house, every time we drove down the road and every time we went to a place of worship. We saw them so often that some of us have got used to them, we feel that they are just part of the background now and they are here to stay.

Have we ever spent a moment in thought of those kids who are born in abject poverty? Yes, we have seen them at crossroads and fairs selling stuff like balloons and stickers and candy; but have we really noticed them?

We see people with healthy bodies begging, we see these people asking for money in the name of God, but do we really see the children? Not the children who are made to beg, but those who enterprise to earn their livelihood through work? Those small captains of industry, those small artists, and those small officers of the service industry who refuse to take handouts without the sweat of their brow?

In my time in this metropolis, I’ve come to notice these children; it’s very hard not to. Children who polish shoes, children who sing, children who perform gymnastics, children who sweep trains and children who wash vehicles are in an alarming number in this city. Unlike those whose who choose to beg, these little ones either choose to or are taught by their parents to earn with a hard day’s labour, such as is not possible for a child of a more fortunate family to do.

I’ve interacted with some of these children, some with just one or two words, some with more and they have taught me more about the fruits of hard labour than I’d managed to in my moral science class. These children do not accept money without doing their work, they do not even ask for it unless one allows them to render their services. I believe that it is these children and not the youth of today who will be the true backbone of this nation one day.

It makes me sad to see them out of school and in the streets fighting to survive another day, but it also gives me hope that if the children of India are ready to work more than those who are supposed to, we will indeed be a great nation once more.

The Real and Wannabe Teacher…

There are good teachers and there are bad teachers. There are funny teachers and there are serious teachers. There are engaging teachers and there are simply boring ones. There are humble teachers and there are those who are those whose pride cannot be accommodated within the classroom.

It is this last category of teachers that have the most influence on the students’ capacity to learn in class. This is an opinion of a student and has not been verified by researchers or experts in the field of teaching psychology or whatever it is called. Even though it is so, a little credibility is affordable in this case since it comes from the experience of those who are guinea pigs to different methods of teaching.

I've been meaning to write on this for the past one week but work has kept me away from my blog. However, now that I've finally managed to get to it, allow me to expound on the type of teacher who is well received and one who is scorned at by his/her students.

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I have come to believe from my most recent experiences that it is all about attitudes here. If a teacher can manage to build a rapport with the students; forfeiting all egotistical problems, delusions of superiority and manage to gain the trust of the students not with politics but with good teaching, they tend to become almost some kind of idols in the hearts of the ones they have undertaken to impart education to.

As a post graduation student, I can safely say that I have seen more teachers in my life than have most Indians, and by that right I comment now that those who think themselves above those whom they have deigned to teach only manage to lose the long-instilled respect that students hold for their ‘Gurus’.

For example, if a ‘teacher’ keeps drilling the fact that he/she is better than the students (the fact they already know) the students kind of tend to lose interest altogether in the subject and instead choose to leave the classroom for better activities like drinking tea, watching a movie, playing a mobile game or just sleep with their eyes wide open (I’m glad to report that I've now mastered that art). There develops an undercurrent of discontent and some order of dissatisfaction with the person who is teaching. However smart or experienced that person may be, the moment he/she loses the student’s respect, they cease to be a teacher.

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In contrast, a person who engages with the students, allows them their little freedoms, makes them comfortable in class and tries to make them take an interest in the most boring of subjects with the help of humour, dialogue and practical understanding; in short one who puts in the effort to understand the audience and is willing to meet them halfway, gains the benefit of trust and a good ear. That person may, in my opinion, be called a teacher.

Just for you, my Friend.

When one engages in classroom politics, one should be very careful in choosing one’s friends and supporters. Well, once you have persuasive friends, support is garnered automatically. But yes, one does have the responsibility to choose the correct set of friends to stand fast as columns in case the structure collapses.

There is one such friend whose recent actions have prompted me to write this post. This friend is one of the foremost intellectuals I've met in my age group and he stands tall as the greatest strategist I've seen in the past three years since I entered the field rather by accident.

They say that engineers are the toughest of the population because going through an engineering college in India is much like how they train the Marines in the US. They have probably seen everything, done a lot of it first hand and still come out of that hell hole. So politics seems to be nothing new to them.

Image Courtesy: Google Images.

I have no idea what kind of voodoo goes on in these colleges except for the stories some of my engineer friends tell me, but I can safely say that they turn out to be some of the most paranoid people I've come across.

However, coming back to the point, my friend is kind of very aware of tactics that can be played and between the both of us; we manage to counter them long before they’re implemented in the opposite camp. But now and again, it so happens that there is a surprise volley and to everyone’s great surprise, the calm and composed engineer lost his cool and stood between me and the offender with such vehemence that the ungodly attack died out before anybody could realize.

This has happened not once but twice now and everyone has now realized that if push comes to shove, the strategist Athena can also don the armour and defend friends with as much brutality as Ares, the god of WAR.

Teaching OR Preaching?

[Missionary schools, of a number of religions operate in India with a view to bringing up the children of their particular religion with a religious learning along with state-approved education. The young ones are taught the ways of their creed and are helped along the way by the holy ones who think it is their duty to bring up the next generation with as much piety as the previous one.

But there is one problem, not all children in some of these schools are of the same religion. People from across the cultural spectrum send their children to missionary schools.

One tolerates because one HAS to, but one accepts because one WANTS to. If children are educated in the way that they develop as citizens who view their fellow men beyond the boundaries of religion, I believe the world would be a better place to live in.

Religion aside, it is widely accepted that sending one’s children to missionary schools ensures better manners, better language skills, higher moral values and above all, a better human being.

Note: This post is written on the basis of my observations only. It is based on my understanding of missionary schools, not of one but multiple religions. This post has not been written to hurt anyone’s religious sentiments. This is also not a post against any missionary institutions. Anything and everything debatable or hurtful written here is purely coincidental.]

[This is my article for the Youth Connect magazine. You can read the entire article here: Missionary Schools: Teaching Or Preaching?]

The Parasitic Language

Quite an unusual title to a post, right? ‘The Parasitic Language.’ I’m sure that a majority of you reading this post right now came here hoping that this was a short story of some kind. I assure you now, well in advance that it most certainly is not. I also know that a lot of you will probably leave this page after reading the previous line which makes this line sort of obsolete but those of you who've managed to persevere till this point, I’m sure this will be worth it.

First, a slice of history.

Image courtesy: Wikipedia.

We humans developed language as a means to communicate since we seem to have lost the awesome power of telepathy, well most of us anyway. Every part of the world developed its own language and then each specific region in turn developed a dialect of their particular language. In time, we humans also figured out that we could use our hands for something other than hunting and killing both animals and people, thus the weapon mightier than the sword was born and the written word came into existence.

Skipping a few millennia we come to the age of expansion wherein the ‘civilized’ nations carried the burden of educating the rest of the ‘barbarian’ world with the concept of colonization and international trade (read: Forced Globalization). And in the race to be the mightiest world power, the British came out on top there came a time when it was said, ‘The sun never sets on the British Empire.’ Yeah, they were basically what USA was to become in the modern age, but more aggressively so.

The result of the above events.

Image Courtesy: Google Images.

Since the British managed to conquer various parts of the globe, they obviously became the rulers there and spread their technology, religion and the most important thing: their language. Over time, the English language became the primary language of governance and finance in most of the world simply because the Empire managed to survive that long. However, even after they relinquished their hold over their colonies because the natives had become smart, thanks to their education policies, the language was deeply entrenched in the society and refused to leave with its departing countrymen.

Unlike certain languages like Sanskrit (in the Indian context), English managed to stay rooted and blossom wherever it was sown because it had the ability to adapt. The scholars in England were smart enough to realize that to survive; the language had to adopt words from the cultures they were spoken in, simply because there weren't words in English to describe some things in their former colonies. Things that were either not found in England or not been recognized before. It was only this long-term planning that allowed this language to not only blossom but turn into the massive banyan tree that envelopes the world today.

Now, the point I’m trying to make.

Image Courtesy: Google Images.

Now it’s all hunky dory to have an international language that binds most of the world together and promotes everything from business to international relations. But I wonder if English is becoming a threat to the regional languages which with it co-exists. Again in the context of India, as far as I know, English is becoming a threat at least to a number of languages; to their spoken as well as written form. In this Age of Information, it is a almost a sin if one doesn't know to speak English. It has slowly turned from being spoken in compulsion to something that is a requirement if one has any sort of ambition. To not know even a smattering of English is considered illiteracy and a sign of incomplete and second–grade education.

Because of this situation, India is experiencing a dearth of candidates who opt for the state or national languages. One might expect that due to the rainbow of cultures residing in not only this country but the entire subcontinent, languages might have no fear of dying out. But it is frightening to see how fast dialects and whole languages spoken by a small number of people are on the verge of extinction. Is this what is survival of the fittest? It is not like other languages do not adopt words from other languages, they do so unofficially but since English has the advantage of having an institution of its own that constantly updates words into its lexicon, I fear there will come a time when this language will finally eliminate its competition to emerge as the one language of the world.

The Bane of Education

Now I know that this is a worn out issue and everyone is tired of listening and reading about the state of education in India. However, I’m still going to rant about it because I’ve just about had it with trying to remember dates and Acts of the Constitution and the number of internet users who are active on social networking sites. It has come to the point where it’s probably screwing around with my mind because there seems to be a reference of study material in almost every third sentence I utter!

What is the point of learning for the sake of learning?

And what is the point of learning something that has no practical application?

And what is the purpose of learning something that one can possibly have no interest in?

These are some of the questions that swirled around in my head as I attempted to relax after the completion of my exams just a few hours ago.

I’ve often wondered why nobody ever taught us how to calculate taxes, how to survive in hostile conditions, how to defend ourselves in times of danger, how to judge what was morally correct, how to apply logic, how to understand theories and their application, how to give back to the society and how to live in peace with nature.

Basic life skills do not seem to be taught at all. Even at the graduation and post-graduation level, I’ve noticed people studying only subjects that are necessary to get them a job. I’ve seen many a talent go to waste because their passions do not coincide with the amount of money they hope to earn. We do not even have the concept of doing something because one wishes to do so. Study something because of genuine interest. It is just about money. It is always about money. And the education industry today endorses it by ensuring job placements and attractive salary options rather than good education.

Although I understand the need for education, I sometimes really feel that,

‘We Don’t Need No Education.’

Here is a poem that I’d written a long time ago about the condition of education as I saw it.

A Student’s Burden

As I go a passing by,

I see some students trudging by,

With bag loads full of studying books,

People giving them pitying looks;

Off they go to school.

Small kids & big ones alike,

Look like they’re speared on a pike,

Schools turning out robots by the ton,

Aw! Come on, when will they learn

The stark reality.

The education system is skewed,

With the kids’ language turning lewd,

Universities turning to dust,

The students' brains rotting with rust,

What is our future?

With money running through the veins,

And students taking many pains;

The quest for knowledge now has ended,

Its great fort now undefended,

Is falling down in ruins.

                                            -  Brendan R. Dabhi

The Search for Home

Living in another city, away from home has its pro and cons. Well, more pros and fewer cons, oh wait, or is it the other way around? Anyway, once you’re adjusted, it’s pretty alright if you can compromise with certain things like food, water, weather conditions and the people. There are other factors too but chief among all is the need for shelter – A roof over one’s head. And incidentally, that’s the hardest thing to find nowadays. Especially for a bachelor, a spinster or both together.

First of all, people don’t trust young people even a single iota. They seem to be damn sure that there’s going to be rave parties and naked people and rapes and orgies and that they will one day bring the police down on them. They seem to be particularly wary of engineering and medical students, I don’t know why.

Speaking of trust, foreign students have an even tougher time finding residence and only God help those who come from the Middle East; their life is basically hell if they don’t find host parents or hostel accommodation. People, at least in India are very wary of people from Pakistan, Afghanistan, Iraq and Iran because to them, all these countries are synonymous with terrorism. Anyone and everyone from this side of the continent is not trustworthy and have basically come over to bomb the hell out of a railway station or market. Now I know this sounds bad but wait, there’s more. They will be refused gas lines, be kept watch over and be tracked just because some maniacs are bent on creating hell on Earth.

Then, there is also the factor of the ‘Great Indian Middleman’. The broker is an important piece of the puzzle that is home searching. It is nearly impossible and high improbable that you will find something suited to your needs without the help of a broker. If you do, you’re in luck, but I wouldn't depend on it. The broker will charge around the same amount as the rent, so you end up paying double. But is that it? NO! The homeowner will take three times the rent as insurance in case you cause damage. So if you’re a student without a job and nobody to support you, you’re broke.

The area problem is another hurdle that not many can overcome. Rents differ from area to area and it is hard to find a suitable accommodation which is near to essential areas and affordable at the same time. There is compromise to be made most of the time.

Hence, as you will probably deduce from my first hand experience, living outside is not as hunky dory as you presumed in your sweet world of fantasy. So think twice!

Celebrating Nonsensical Things

There is a rising trend among teenagers today. I know not whether it is relevant everywhere but I've certainly seen a fair share of the teenage public engage in this particularly irrelevant and to an extent, nonsensical celebration. Now this is my personal view and I’m open to other interpretations, if anyone would like to offer any.

The trend I’m referring to is celebrating ‘one week’, ‘one month’, ‘two months’ and so on and so forth, of a relationship. Two people, apparently in love, announcing to the world that their relation completes a milestone in time. I wonder why.  When I was in the middle of my undergraduate studies, I used to be amused at the first and second year kids celebrating a week together. I would think that they were relieved that it had lasted that long. I mean that we as humans of course need reasons to celebrate but I wonder whether those celebrations were not in fact sighs of relief at the endurance level of the couple.

Secondly, the concept of gifting things to one’s partner for absolutely no reason at all is also alien to me. I do not get how people gift each other chocolates and stuff. I have seen boys and girls who get a limited amount of money from home to spend while in college, especially those whose homes weren't in the same city. These people would buy lavish gifts and this and that for their partners all the time and then would borrow money from other people at the end of the month. This, I thought to be a literal bribe for the partner to stay along with them. I mean, it may be alright once in a while but how can one afford to spend recklessly and then complain that their parents didn't love them enough to pay for their expenses?

For some time now, I've been observing a couple of teenagers and what strikes me is their adherence and leaning towards foreign soap operas rather than Indian ones. Good job kids! But anyhow, my point is that it may be possible that teens today are influenced enough by these English and American television shows to believe that relationships do not in fact last as long as their parents advertise. I have also watched said shows and since I've just passed this stage a couple of years ago, I think that’s what has also run through my mind at one time or another. Is it not harmful then if one thinks about it? That teenagers today feel that their relationships, should they choose to commit to one, will ultimately fail; which is leading them to be overjoyed at every little step along the way?

Now, I’m not against the television shows or any media in particular, what I’m afraid of is a senseless generation of Indians who believe whatever they see on the ‘idiot box’ and that is a matter that should be given serious consideration by parents as well as the teenagers themselves. They need to be made aware of the fictional nature of these shows by their parents and/or teachers. Students in the mass communication field are aware of what happens here but what about the rest? It is absolutely imperative to for parents to talk to their children about one of the topics considered taboo in Indian society. When even love marriage is considered sacrilegious in this country, I wonder how communication between generations can take place on this apparently delicate topic.

The Fight for the Streets

It had been an exhausting day with assignments, voice-overs, projects and a heavy dose of ‘Contempt of Court’ in college. When we finally managed to escape at about 4 pm, we were half dead and in dire need of tea, the international symbol of rejuvenation and the ultimate reviver of all things that are brain dead. And no, I do not exaggerate. So the four of us proceeded to the nearest corner and ordered tea.

That is when it happened - The gang war. Not of thugs or dogs, but of the multitude of shoe-shine boys one finds roaming around the office complexes in Ahmedabad.

As we were sitting there, sipping tea and just talking about nothing in particular the effect of Iran’s nuclear deal in respect to India’s oil export, we noticed a commotion just across the road. There were about six boys around the ages of 8-10 talking down another one of them. The poor kid most probably being bullied or made fun of for not earning enough. He started crying after a few minutes of silent sulking. Getting increasingly encouraged, the other boys continued while a few of them stopped and looked concerned. Having enough of this nonsense, the victim finally snapped and threw a punch at the principal offender who was about two inches taller than him. After that, it was a complete free-for-all and the rest of the boys just picked their jousting partners at random and there began the first kiddie street brawl I’d ever witnessed in my twenty one years.

This scene was being observed by around thirty or forty people from offices around the block. Some of them even bought peanuts from a nearby vendor and began cheering them on. People were just watching as if this were some form of entertainment and a delightful diversion from their mundane lives of home-office-home. I felt as if I’d gone back to the glorious days of the Roman Empire and was seated among the bloodthirsty crowd in the Coliseum. No one, absolutely nobody gave a damn about the plight of the kids, and if they did, they sure didn't show it there. Yeah, who wants to get in the middle of a brilliant fight and get mixed up with the supposed child labour mafia that they saw in Slumdog. Anyway, the fight continued till the tallest boy caught the collar of the crying kid and asked in the meanest tone he could manage,

“Idhar ka Don kaun?” (Who is the Don of this area?)

Wow! Silence. Everyone was stunned by what the little blighter had managed to say and with such conviction! After that, the rest of the boys caught the little one and took him away before anyone could do anything about the situation.

I don’t think I need to write anything more about this since all my readers are capable enough to understand the implications of what I've witnessed today. Some of us must have witnessed such things happening in our own cities and countries and others must have heard about it; but everyone has surely understood the plight of children today, at least in India.

Where is compulsory education?

Where are anti child labour laws?

Where are children protection groups?

Where is the social and moral responsibility of parents?

Where are the police?

Where does the moral fibre of civilized society stand today?

These questions lie unanswered and will probably remain so for the foreseeable future.