Atithi Devo Bhava? Indian Intolerance is at 100% & Rising…

India has always denied claims of being racist and Indians absolutely hate the guts of those who dare to call us racist. The one argument – that we are a multi-cultural nation – is the defence used to thwart any racism related allegation upon our spotless robe tolerance and brotherhood.

A Tanzanian student was stripped and made to parade around the roads of Bengaluru, the place we proudly call the ‘Silicon Valley’ of India, because a Sudanese man ran over an Indian woman at that spot. She was harassed, beaten; her car set on fire and received no help from the police – all because she was from the same continent as the person who committed a crime.

Political leaders then even had the ever-present audacity to claim this was not a racist attack when African embassies came out in outrage of the horrific incident. Although Sushma Swaraj did condemn the incident, the damage is done and there is no guarantee that it will not happen again. This is not even an isolated incident. Media reports suggest that hate crimes are taking place all over the country.

What is even more appalling and shameful is that the 'Invest Karnataka 2016-Global Investors Meet’ took place in the same city just three days later where N R Narayana Murthy, founder of Infosys, made a statement at that forum which needs mention here because he said, “My request to the state chief minister (Siddaramaiah) and industries minister (R V Deshpande) is to help us make Bengaluru more liveable for all, especially youngsters, by improving its infrastructure and quality of life.”

While the world is moving forward, leaving behind discriminations of caste, creed and colour; our country seems to be regressing into the dark ages of witch hunts, lynching, racial profiling and mob justice. And if this has happened in one of the major cities of the nation, it is shuddering to think of what happens in other areas.

In the post, The Wrong Colour of Skin – I wrote of how hypocritical we Indians are of our skin colour, about how we blame foreigners for racism and how our brand of racism is much, much worse.

In Defence of a Sexist Prime Minister

According to our honourable Prime Minister, being intolerant of terrorism is a great thing, especially is someone manages it doing it despite having ovaries. Impressive, wouldn’t you say?

Well, everyone else thought so too. It is indeed quite spectacular to see the leader of the nation doling out a generous serving of a sexist “compliment” to the leader of a friendly nation. One would think he would also feel the same way about one of his predecessors who despite being the only the second woman Prime Minister in the world, held a dim view of the whole terrorist agenda in general.

Just innocent Prime Ministerial banter as usual.

Well, it would be wrong to place the blame for a sexist remark squarely onto his shoulders alone. He is merely the victim of the latent sexism and masochism and the patriarchal mindset that has been traditional in Indian politics for so long that people stopped talking about it in the last century.

Surely our beloved leader did not mean to degrade the office of a fellow Prime Minister and sound condescending in the worst way possible just because that country is indebted to ours for their very freedom. If it came to that, he could make the same innocent mistake with German Chancellor Angela Merkel, Brazilian President Dilma Rousseff or say South Korean President Park Geun-hye.

In fact, there is a counterpoint to this whole thing which shows how much the PM cares about women, even those who don’t need it. His government recently refused to consider sending omen to the front lines in battle because guess what would happen if they were captured and held prisoners of war. Wonder what horrors await them in those concentration camps reserved especially for Indian soldiers in the country that uses pigeons as spies!

Although, I’m sure female soldiers would have preferred the Union Defence Minister treat them the same as their male counterparts. But, this is India, the land where women need to be kept safe from foreign assaults but can be raped, mutilated, murdered and thrown out of moving vehicles in the capital of the country. I’m sure they understand that.

So please stop criticizing the Prime Minister, at least when he is on a foreign visit. He represents our entire nation and our thoughts and our actions and our behaviour. He is the embodiment of all that we are and all that we aspire to be. To speak against the Prime Minister who has male genitalia and is flaunting his oratory skills in a foreign nation is against national interest.

Hope he had a better time than PM Sheikh Hasina.


Note: This post is a sarcastic take on what may or may not have been a highly sexist remark by one Head of Government to another. Definitely not to hurt anyone's feelings and sentiments. it is also not to debase or to defame our PM.

The ‘Mardaani’ Problem

A Socratic Question that’s cropped into my mind is:

‘Does a Woman need to be referred to by a Manly adjective like ‘Mardaani’ in order to describe her as being strong or assertive?’

This question has been revolving around my head for a couple of days now since I read a couple of pieces where writers had used this adjective to refer to a specific “breed” of women if I may refer to them as such; women of a strong and assertive nature, who stood up for their rights and fought back against patriarchal society such as it is.

The battle raging inside is whether it is right to refer to women as being strong and (insert synonyms) by using adjectives generally used for men; the word in question here being ‘Mardaani’. How does calling a woman as such have effects on both sides of the scale is the question I’m grappling with.

I totally get the point of calling women ‘Mardaani’ in the metaphorical sense of the word as ‘being like a man’; Man here being the gender generalized as being assertive, brave and strong. This idea is mildly acceptable because it compliments women, as writers I've read have been meaning to do I presume. But the downside of this positive aspect is that it generalizes men as being all those things and that is frankly insulting. Not all men are the same and complimenting women at the same time as insulting men is not the way to do it, methinks.

Coming to the literal part of it, I wonder why a woman needs to be called a ‘Mardaani’ in the first place. I believe that a woman need not be referred to in this particular manner and so do a lot of women I've had the chance to put this question to. It is actually demeaning to women to do so. Feminists who attempt to portray women in a manner which is equal to men are actually doing the opposite by admitting that all these qualities are only in men and that women need to borrow this adjective in order to be complimented or praised.

By taking the basic premise of men having qualities that only some women do, these people are putting men on  pedestal themselves; something I’m sure they don’t want to do if they want to see women on an equal footing and not a rung under the other gender. Even I as a man find it disturbing that people and especially writers are doing this because it is the sacred duty of writers to make their readers think.  When using the word ‘Mardaani’, they put in the metaphorical sense and assume that it is done but what of making their readers aware that it is unnecessary to do this and thereby make them think of how they wish to see women; as dependent on the other gender so as to borrow characteristics or as having those characteristics by and of themselves?

And even though I have an opinion on it, I’m still looking for answers. A little help perhaps? The comment box is just below.

Boys will make Mistakes…

Oh really, will they?

At least this is what our ministers and leaders of political parties have to say to the sexual harassment and rapes that are taking place in their state and the country. Boys will be boys huh?

Well, boys may be boys and men may be men but one thing is for certain, the mindsets of our leaders themselves are ridiculously slanted and not only in matters of gender but also in human rights, equality in society and in matters of morals which they preach like they just received the ten commandments atop mount Sinai.

Because it is for their own good.
Image Courtesy: Google Images.

However, coming back to the point; it is as amusing as watching a dark comedy to see the mistakes that these beloved boys whom politicians defend so matter-of-factually make. They tease women till they run away, stare at their body parts until the sun hurts their eyes, whistle at them till they need water for their parched throats, pass lewd comments till they run out of their pathetic repertoire, follow them on their vehicles till the arrow reaches red, touch them till they have accurately measured everything and rape them like they’re those blow-up dolls they use at home.

But come on, these aren’t major crimes right? They’re just mistakes that boys make after they are seduced by the women who WANT these boys to do all the above mentioned things to them. It is so totally the fault of women that the boys in fact are unassuming victims in such cases.

Seriously, what would happen if the girl that such an innocent boy raped turned out to be HIV+ or happen to carry any other sexually transmitted disease? Won’t it just destroy the life of this young boy who got carried away in the seductive walk of that girl carrying a pile of books to college?

Phew! It is so dangerous nowadays for such innocent boys on the streets. These wily women will do absolutely anything to catch their attention. They usually do things like keep walking, not pay attention, drive away, walk a bit faster and try to get away. These are the things that actually get these innocent boys turned on even more and then they get trapped and mistakenly, in their innocence, rape and kill those girls in their innocent lust.

And then it’s still hunky dory till they manage to stay away from the law, but when they get caught it is more torture for them. The whole of society condemns them for their mistaken misdeeds and the only ones who support them are their beloved uncles with seats in the state cabinet, union cabinet or in a boardroom. These are the only people who truly understand the condition of these misunderstood boys. They appeal to the rest of this cruel society to forgive these small mistakes and move on.

There is however a remedy for these innocent boys. These boys should be castrated in their own interest so that they can no longer be seduced by basically any woman in society. How about that?

Smoking Women

Some men have many problems with women doing stuff. Little things, big things and sometimes just anything. And it’s not only just men, but sometimes even other women who have problems with other women doing stuff that they cannot or did not do. This is much more conspicuous in the Indian society since we have this moral code of conduct for women that was established somewhere around the time of the birth of Christ.

According to this code, which has not been revised since then, women only have to do things expected of them and taking the road less taken is considered an obvious sign of bad parenting and entirely too much freedom. A woman roaming with men is BAD, a woman talking to a group of men is BAD, a woman staying out late at night is BAD, a woman who dares to love is BAD, a woman who takes pleasure in life is BAD and a woman who has what one may term a ‘bad habit’ is definitely out of hand. Somebody control that woman!

One such problem that the Indian society has with women is that they smoke. Are you shocked too? Did you not know that some women do hold the stick of death between their fingers and gloriously inhale the waft of tobacco that helps them forget your lecherous stares and absolute disgust? Well then you too need to revise your morals (and general knowledge) to the 21^st century edition.

Let’s face it, women do smoke. And there is nothing one can do about it. You know why? Because India still is a free country where people can still do what they want to with their own bodies. And this is not a new phenomenon, women have been smoking for hundreds of years and in some cultures, women actually smoke with their men from pipes attached to burning coals, water and tobacco.

So why are people today surprised to see a woman smoke?

Because they are taught so.

Men have observed that women of ‘good standing’ do not smoke or drink or get high in any way. It is just wrong. They are supposed to inhale only the smoke that emanates from the biryani they are cooking – in the kitchen – their rightful place!

It is disheartening to see that even people of this generation in India continue to feel this way about women. I’ve had some encounters with such people and although it is quite disgusting, my lady friends and I take great pleasure in scandalizing these people; makes for a great story over the next day’s ‘chai-sutta’ session.

Insolent Interfering Imbeciles

Nobody needs to be told how skewed the Indian society is. Amid tall claims of modernization and criminal charges of westernization, it is clear to any person how perversely orthodox and unbending this civilization is.

There are a number of examples wherein this backward mindset can be seen, heard and experienced in everyday life. It might not always become glaringly obvious, but that is only because we have accepted these things and taken them in our stride as things that ‘just happen’ in India. Is it such a surprise then that we have songs that go like, “It happens only in India…?”

One such problem of the Indian people is their indefinite problem with the youth of the country. They believe that today’s youth is irresponsible, useless, unemployed and indecent. What they apparently do not realize is that if they make such allegations, they malign themselves and not the youth, since their accusations revert upon themselves as to what morals they've passed down to this generation.

This however, does not mean that I’m pleading guilty to those charges. In fact, I believe that the Indian society’s problem is their fear of accepting change. They are scared of losing what they have been brought up to believe is true. What they do not understand is that their society will ultimately stagnate like the Sanskrit language, without the change that the next generation stands for.

The incident that has driven me to write this post is a classic example of the skewed morality that Indians posses and are incredibly proud of.

My colleague and friend, a woman, offered to drop me home after a very long day of film shooting and we were both half dead. The area in which I stay is pretty well developed and is near to some very reputed institutes of the city, there’s a lot of traffic and so she dropped me right into my lane. I had a couple packets of chips and so we decided to sooth our ravenous bellies before leaving for home. Now as we were eating and discussing the next day’s schedule, this woman in a night dress comes to the gate of one of the houses and asks us our business in sitting “near” her house in the night. We explain ourselves, albeit grudgingly but she still pushes on, mentioning that times are bad and the “things” that happen to woman nowadays. Ultimately, we had to leave before she woke up half the lane.

Image Courtesy: Google Images.

 This is what one means when they say, “People in India can piss on the road but they can’t kiss on the road.” Two people, mutually respectful of each other, sitting on government property and eating a packet of chips that is the only thing gone into their mouth since the start of day, are chased away by a by a half-naked home owner because it scandalizes her morality. Brilliant, isn't it? Praiseworthy even! She has proved herself to be the keeper of women’s honour and the guardian of Indian morality in this time of great evil.

Haiku #9 – The Cost of Life

A haiku, a small contribution towards the awareness of an evil that thrives on sucking out the life of our society: our children. 

Image Courtesy: Google Images.

In poverty born,

Bred without bread, books, abode;

At a brothel sold.

STOP and Think for a Moment…

I’m sure everyone has that one family member or friend that is very, very racist/chauvinist/orthodox, oh, unintentionally of course, but very much still biased towards anything and everything that does not match their standard of a normal person. This person may or not be aware of what he/she is doing but to a person who is aware of these things and is sensitive to gender, colour, race and lifestyle bias, this can be shocking, sometimes appalling and more often than you’d think – hurtful.

I have seen many people with the tendency to be insensitive towards people who society marginalizes. These incidences shock me because it’s not only that we are all human and that there should be no demarcating factor there, it is also about not trying to prove that some people are better than others. Because if one is trying to do so, Hitler is a proud man in hell. Here are some sentences that I've heard around me that have caused me to stop and evaluate for a moment, how society differentiates itself on the basis of its diversity.

“What was the name of that of that African coach? You can hardly tell those people apart!”

“You’re SO gay man…”

“So, when are you leaving for the land of our little yellow friends?”

 “You have to learn to cook. Who will feed your husband? You expect HIM to cook?”

“Yo nigga! Waddup man!”

“She’s such a slut! I saw her kissing two guys in the same week!”

“So, what caste do you belong to?”

“Hey, don’t these Chinese all look like - the same?”

“What’s your religion?”

“Dude, you’re hanging out with those goras(white people)?”

And these are just some that I vividly remember for their scathing attack on people of different nationalities, different coloured skin, women, different religions/castes, different lifestyle choices and different relationship status’. It is even more disgusting to hear these things from those who you are surrounded with. Everywhere I go, I get to hear such tripe. Is it that people think that they are perfect and that these so-called “other people” are abnormal or freaks or weird and should not be part of society?

The answer, I feel, to this dilemma is not tolerance of all people. That might be confusing since everyone nowadays seems to be advocating tolerance towards everything else. Tolerance towards other religions, tolerance towards lower caste people, tolerance towards homosexuals, tolerance towards transsexuals, tolerance towards this and tolerance towards that… The list can go on. But I wonder - Is it tolerance that we need? In fact, what is tolerance? Tolerance is the mighty responsibility of the superior people to bear with the whims and fancies of the inferior people. That’s what tolerance means. Now, do we need that? Do we need to look down on people who are a wee bit different from people in our Utopian society? Or do we need to understand that we are all equal and one is not superior over any other person.

I’m not saying that I’m totally blameless here. I look into the mirror today and I see a hypocrite. Yes, because I've laughed at some of these, I've responded to some of these and I've not bothered to rebuke people who have said these things. But in retrospect, I have felt great remorse for what I have done to encourage people who make up such stuff and I have made up my mind to help people become aware of what they are saying and why it is against humanity as a whole. This is my commitment, my contribution to the betterment of society as I see it. I hope that at least one person will someday stop and think what they just said about another human being. That will be my greatest reward.

The Locked Door

There has been a severe spate of happenings in our nation, those things that should not have happened and those things that are often not named or just spoken about in hushed whispers in polite society. Yes, I mean the issue of rape, female harassment, brutal beatings and murder. These things have been prevalent in the past too and it's not like there has been a sudden surge of such criminal behaviour that has hit our nation, it is simply that the media had nothing better to show, so they picked up this story and ran with it. I read about rape, suicides and killings almost everyday in the newspapers, however these everyday rapes don't become topics of national interest. Why? Just because they didn't happen in the capital of the nation? These things are very disturbing - to me of course, but I'm sure a few others must have also realized this folly.

Anyway, I'm digressing. So coming back to the matter at hand, families today have become very protective of the women in their households. I'm not generalizing here, merely stating what I've observed in my circles. They want the women to dress 'decently', not stay out 'late' at night, not get 'too friendly' with boys and to keep calling home every two hours to report in. 

What does this say of our society? 

What does it tell us of our attitudes towards these happenings? 

How have these happenings affected the mentality of the people?

These recent events have, in my opinion, endangered the Woman even more. She has become a captive in her own house, it seems. She may be safe physically (or so everyone seems to think), but Her spirit has been killed. Her freedom taken away and Her choices limited to those deemed safe for Her. These limitations may be seen as cruel bonds biting into the soul and everyone may blame the Woman's father for these chains tied to her ankles. But, reflect for a moment from the perspective of a father who is perhaps very scared and horrified by what he is seeing on the news and only wants the safety of daughter. Is he really to be blamed? Is it only His fault?

Well, I don't think so and thus I wrote a few lines taking inspiration from the experience of one of my friends. It describes the strife between a father and a daughter but it also comes with a realization at the end.

The Locked Door

(A daughter’s silent scream)

I remember the day I tried to fly, my first flight to redeem          

The blue beyond that called to me, though silent it so seemed;

The wind above, the clouds below, though frightful it all was,

My wings I poised, my feet I set, to take off into the sky.

The clouds then took a blackish hue, a shadow form above,

My protector there from all to save, his daughter to defend -

Came swooping down and set his wings around my little form,

And set me back and held me close and shut me off the edge.

I shrieked, I clawed, till bruised he got, but leave me he would not;

But I blame him not, his child I was, regardless of it all.

                                                                                       

     -Brendan-Anton R. Dabhi

Quite a number of women among those who are my friends have agreed that they carry such a sentiment, but I would like to know if women over a large populace believe what I've written to be true. So I urge the women reading this post to make a comment, however you may feel.