Chaiwallahs are collateral damage in a Chaiwallah’s war

As soon as PM Narendra Modi announced that currency notes in the denomination of Rs 500 and Rs 1,000 would be demonetised immediately, people ran to the nearest ATMs and began withdrawing Rs 100 denomination notes. And then… the ATMs ran out of money.

Today, as I was going about gauging the mood around town, I stopped for tea at my usual kitli. After the usual pleasantries with my usual chaiwallah, I took my cup of tea and sat down with my phone to check for updates on the US election. Donald Trump had won. OK, no comments.

But then I saw something closer to home. Something I am going to call the ‘short-term collateral damage of demonetisation of notes’.

Photo Credit: Joel George

The chaiwallah was arguing with his stockist. Since this was a small kitli at the corner of residential block, there wasn’t much traffic here and there are lesser customers. Hence, cigarette sales also aren’t that great. So the stockist gave the chaiwallah two boxes of cigarettes and chaiwallah handed over an Rs 500 denomination note to pay for it.

However, the stockist refused to take it, saying that he would not accept anything except Rs 100 notes. Now, the chaiwallah only had Rs 500 notes since he got the news only this morning and by that time, all the ATMs in the area were already out of cash and customers were unwilling to exchange his notes for him.

After a lot of haggling, the stockist came up with a solution. He would give the chaiwallah the boxes on credit instead of either taking the Rs 500 note or not selling the cigarettes to him at all. The chaiwallah, out of options, agreed and put his Rs 500 note back into his pocket with a sigh.

He then turned to me and said, “What have we poor people done? Why should we have to suffer for all the black money these businessmen and politicians have accumulated? We hardly have enough money to run our business and our house.”

And thus, the chaiwallah remains the unwilling and helpless collateral damage in this nationwide war on black money initiated by one of his own.

Atithi Devo Bhava? Indian Intolerance is at 100% & Rising…

India has always denied claims of being racist and Indians absolutely hate the guts of those who dare to call us racist. The one argument – that we are a multi-cultural nation – is the defence used to thwart any racism related allegation upon our spotless robe tolerance and brotherhood.

A Tanzanian student was stripped and made to parade around the roads of Bengaluru, the place we proudly call the ‘Silicon Valley’ of India, because a Sudanese man ran over an Indian woman at that spot. She was harassed, beaten; her car set on fire and received no help from the police – all because she was from the same continent as the person who committed a crime.

Political leaders then even had the ever-present audacity to claim this was not a racist attack when African embassies came out in outrage of the horrific incident. Although Sushma Swaraj did condemn the incident, the damage is done and there is no guarantee that it will not happen again. This is not even an isolated incident. Media reports suggest that hate crimes are taking place all over the country.

What is even more appalling and shameful is that the 'Invest Karnataka 2016-Global Investors Meet’ took place in the same city just three days later where N R Narayana Murthy, founder of Infosys, made a statement at that forum which needs mention here because he said, “My request to the state chief minister (Siddaramaiah) and industries minister (R V Deshpande) is to help us make Bengaluru more liveable for all, especially youngsters, by improving its infrastructure and quality of life.”

While the world is moving forward, leaving behind discriminations of caste, creed and colour; our country seems to be regressing into the dark ages of witch hunts, lynching, racial profiling and mob justice. And if this has happened in one of the major cities of the nation, it is shuddering to think of what happens in other areas.

In the post, The Wrong Colour of Skin – I wrote of how hypocritical we Indians are of our skin colour, about how we blame foreigners for racism and how our brand of racism is much, much worse.

Stuck in Smoke: The Fear of Police Brutality

As a journalist, coming home late is so normal that no time is late anymore per se but by normal standards, yes it was. And by late, I mean almost midnight.

This was a good day and since I did come back fast, I hadn’t had anything to eat. So I went to get a vada pav, which in case you’re wondering is a fried potato patty stuffed inside a bun and heated on a pan, sometimes with cheese.

The Incident

I just wanted to get the vada pav and get back home but no, events have to conspire on the one day I get home fast and that’s what happened here.

I got to the shop, ordered my cheese vada pav and then started reading the menu because there really isn’t much you can do while you wait. By the time I read half of it, my order was done and as I reached over the counter to take the parcel, I heard the shutters come down. Turning around, I saw one of the workers signalling all of us customers to be quiet and loudly whisper – POLICE.

I saw the time and sure enough, it was 12:00 am. The police had obviously come to shut down everything and we had been unlucky to be inside the place at that time.

It was then that it began. One of the dozen or so customers asked if the police would beat us if they found us. I thought he must be joking but turning around I saw that he and his friends were earnestly discussing this possibility which amused and worried me at the same time. Then the employees shut the lights off and the murmurs grew louder.

It amused me because I believe that the police could not beat us up for being there but I was apprehensive because I didn’t know for sure what the police would do. ‘Could’ and ‘would’ – the difference between knowing how things ideally work and not knowing how things will actually take place.

Image Courtesy: schmidtgs2.wikispaces.com

After ten minutes or so of this conversation, an employee got an all-clear phone call from the other side of the shutter and he opened it just a little and let us out in pairs. It reminded me of a couple of movies where people are trying to cross international borders.

And I thought to myself,

“Are things really so bad?”

“Why is there fear even on a normal day in a busy part of the city?”

“Are these people right in mistrusting the police?”

“Do we need to fear the very people in charge of protecting us?”

“Is this paranoia or years of ingrained reality?”

And the most important thought,

“Is this the fear of one person creeping into all in a distressing environment or is this a mutual repressed feeling being triggered by a mere mention of atrocity?”

The Implications

The latter thought is scarier than the former and if true, needs to be addressed by the Ahmedabad City Police at the earliest because if the people don’t trust their protectors, who are they going to put their faith into?

The Next Step

I hope this post reaches the police department because I figure they should be concerned even if this is an isolated incident, which isn’t very likely.

Kim Jong-un's Six news ways to kill Traitors

Pyongyang: After having his Defence chief executed for treason because he dozed off in a high profile meeting titled ‘Dealing with Traitors’, eternal leader and Dictator par excellence Kim Jong-un sent a memo to the Pointless Killings Committee elaborating on six innovative ways to execute future sleeping beauties.

Sources deep inside the North Korean government indicate that Kim formulated this memo on the way to the classified nuclear missile silo where he was scheduled to oversee the execution of the chief scientist for making missiles with rounded heads. These pointers are meant to be taken as an express command of the benevolent leader and are to be inducted into the formal execution methods for all time (and beyond it).

Here is a copy of the memo that an anonymous source sent out to Faking News before mysteriously disappearing two days back. The document contains illustrative photographs to help the committee better grasp what the leader has in mind.

This dude!

Top Secret Document

Six New ways to annilate anihilatte destroy Traitors

#1 Running them over with Monster Trucks

Technique: Two monster trucks gifted to me, your leader, your God, your everything, by my best friend Putin will be used to run traitors over in the garden of my palace.

Priority status: Slaves bonded labourers.

#2 Tying them to Test Missiles

Technique: Any traitor who happens to be convicted on the day of a test launch of our missiles shall be tied naked to the missile and then launched. Sex appeal will get more attention from the world press.

Priority status: All military personnel, my family members.

#3 Air-dropping them over South Korea

Technique: Traitors attempting to cross over to the prosperous hated nation south of our borders shall be air dropped without parachutes in their territory.

Priority status: Civilians looking for a better life.

#4 Making them eat Radioactive Vegetables

Technique: Defectors working in sensitive national security fields shall be made to eat vegetables stored in uranium 238 contaminated storage.

Priority status:  Scientists, researchers, historians.

#5 Feeding them to the Sharks

Technique: Enemy citizens captured within and beyond the boundaries of our glorious nation shall be sent to sleep with the fishes. I have waited to use this line from a long, very long time.

Priority status: Spies, prisoners of war.

#6 Injecting them with the Ebola virus

Technique: Old people and the sick are of no use to the economy (thus becoming traitors) and must be disposed off. However, this must be done with compassion. To give them a natural death, they must be injected with the Ebola virus which our outsourcing partner Boko Haram has sent us.

Priority status: Old, sick, unemployed

Note: This is a Faking News report that I did some time back for MyFaking News. It is to be taken with the humour with which it was written.

With Great Power comes Great Responsibility: India & the UNSC

It’s been 69 years since India became an Independent nation. The leaders that formed the government then thought that the time was right for India to govern itself. The government today believes that India is ready to be part of a committee that aims to keep the world secure, the United Nations Security Council (UNSC). To this end, they have been looking for support from every quarter with the constant spate of foreign visits Prime Minister Narendra Modi has already made to several nations since his government came to power in 2014.

They feel the time is right for India to take its rightful place, seeing as it considers itself a leader in Asia. It is looked upon by various South Asian nations as a big brother, an insurance policy of some kind, against the threat that an aggressive China poses in the region.

For & Against India’s seat

But India has apparently failed in impressing contemporary world leaders who have opposed India’s most recent bid to restructure the UNSC like its reluctant friend US President Barrack Obama and its long-time ally Russian President Vladimir Putin. The third nation, China, in spite making tall claims of friendship during President Xi Jinping’s diplomatic visit, is still a regional rival along with another claimant to a permanent seat, Japan. However, the other two permanent members, France, under President Francois Hollande and the United Kingdom, under Prime Minister David Cameron, support India’s bid.

Other Contenders

Along with India, the other G-4 nations, comprising of Germany, Japan, and Brazil have all longed for a permanent seat in the UNSC. Germany, because of its GDP, which is the fourth largest in the world, Japan, because of its regional (albeit muted) power status in Asia, and Brazil, by virtue of being the only regional power in South America.

Shortcomings

Although India is slated to be the most populous country in the world by 2022, although its economy is great as an emerging market, although it has a stable democratic structure and although it is a responsible nuclear state, India hasn’t exactly been doing what one would expect members of a ‘security council’ to do.

• India hasn’t sent help to the coalition fighting terrorist groups outside its borders
• India is not involved in helping bring back a democratic government in Yemen
• India didn’t until very recently stand up for or attempt to mediate the conflict brewing in the South China Sea.
• India hasn’t spoken up on human rights issues in the Israel-Palestine conflict.
• India stood passively by in the Iran nuclear deal.
• India hasn’t done anything for the Rohingya refugees from Myanmar.

When you take a look at all these conflicts that India has deliberately avoided, stayed out of, skirted or just verbally condemned, it is hard to imagine that this country is a regional power which will do anything at all, even if it does get a permanent seat at the UNSC.

Favourable Statistic

However, there is one thing that certainly goes in India’s favour and that is the number of personnel it has sent to the United Nations Peacekeeping Force. India has sent 8,112 people and is third in terms of this contribution, Bangladesh and Pakistan holding the first and second positions respectively. The permanent members come nowhere close to matching these numbers.

Unfortunate Reality

However, merely these numbers cannot hide the fact that India has in fact chosen neutrality and made the decision to stay aloof from world conflicts even in this age of co-operation. Although India now contests that it just needs a two-third majority in the UN General Assembly to get a seat, the problem is that India might fall short on its claim to be able to handle that much power without taking on responsibility.

Porn Ban: An Alternate Solution

The recent impromptu porn ban initiated by the Union government of India who has advised ISPs to block more than 180 websites displaying explicit content has resulted in a subtle yet massive backlash by the Indian populace, the majority of which comprises of people under the age of 35.

Facebook, Twitter and the Blogosphere is awash with sarcasm, incredulity and outrage against the feeble excuse of those in power attempting to steer the nation away from things ‘immoral in nature’ and not befitting their standards of culture. Others in this list include homosexuality, beef and even language used in cinema. But there is also support from those who believe pornography to be the reason why rapes, sexual harassment and molestation plague this nation.

What is the truth?

Damned if anyone knows!

Image Courtesy: siasat.com

The Case FOR Porn

While some call it a good measure, others believe that this ban will eventually lead to more frustration among people and will result in even more incidences that the government apparently wants to see a reduction in. Just like those who believe that legalizing prostitution will help bring down illegal trade, human trafficking and recognition for those who actually want to be in that profession, they also believe that porn at least lessens the chance of sexual frustration than what it could be in its absence.

The Case AGAINST Porn

There are adverse effects of porn too like heightened expectations from the real act of sex, the desire to try unrealistic things, act out dangerous scenes that border on line between the legal and illegal, and children getting sexual education from there in lieu of schools and colleges.

Is there Another Way?

Are these reasons enough to ban porn entirely or can other measures be taken to counter their side effects without trampling all over the freedom of the internet as is done in regressive nations like China and North Korea?

The Possible Solution

One possible remedy that comes to mind is to introduce actual sex education in Indian schools to tutor teenagers and adults alike in the ways of sex ,safe and unsafe, legal and illegal, realistic and unrealistic, what to expect and what not to, and how to prevent sexually transmitted diseases.

Sex Education can go a long way in preventing the misuse of porn and instead can better the knowledge of what sex is, what it does and how to safely engage in it. Do you have a better way?

Dad, I’m in a Live-in Relationship

That perhaps is one of the hardest letters to write to a conservative Indian parent.

Fears of loss, hatred, marginalization and pain accompany the decision to call a parent one knows is not going to accept their choice. Tremendous courage and hope for understanding and failing that, reconciliation is the only thing that can help mitigate the fear of telling this parent that one is staying with one’s partner outside of marriage.

Here is one such letter from a hopeful son to his father.

 Dad,

You must be surprised that I wrote you a letter but believe me, in this case, it was the only way I could sufficiently put down everything I want to tell you. The telephone, the tone of voice, the emotion; it all is too much of a distraction.

I’m in love with a magnificent woman named Anna and we’re in a live-in relationship. We have been so for a month now.

This must come as a shock to you as I haven’t said anything about her or us till now. But there is a reason for that. I don’t know if you’re angry or sad or disappointed in me but I must still shamefully ask you to trust in me.

I know that you and mom brought me up believing in the sacred bond of marriage and you must feel that you could have done something more, especially after this letter. Please don’t, it isn’t your fault, it is just my choice.

I love her and she loves me and we have done so for over three years now but mom only knows her as one of my friends. She turned out to be something much more and I see her as my partner for the rest of my life. Perhaps we shall also marry one day but that day isn’t today or tomorrow or at least in the next five years.That day might also never come.

It isn’t the fault of education or this big city or bad influence that has led me here, it is the realization of what is good for Anna and me and how we want to live our lives, at least for the moment, without societal shackles till we are absolutely sure than we can bear each other for a lifetime.

I ask not for forgiveness or acceptance, I ask only for your understanding of the choice that I have made and am about to in the future. I need you to have my back, Dad.

Your loving son,

Fred

Image Courtesy: nrigujarati.co.in

Shashi’s Seven minute Succinct Speech on Saying Sorry

Quite the tongue twister that one, eh? Yeah, that’s what happens when you try to work a little too hard on your title. You end up making a tongue twister that hardly anyone can read, much else dare to click on the link and read the supposedly equally horrifying content contained under such a dubious head line. However, coming to the topic at hand...

The Statesman who almost did things

Dr Shashi Tharoor
Image Courtesy: thehindu.com

Dr Shashi Tharoor, the man who almost headed the United Nations, the man who knows almost everything about socio-economic India in the present age; this man almost brought the British Empire down to its knees at the ‘Reparations debate’ at the Oxford Union Society. The proposition was that Britain owed reparations to her former colonies for their colonization.

The Case for an Apology

The British Empire Anachronous
Image Courtesy: The Red Hat of Pat Ferrick

Dr Tharoor spoke eloquently for the proposition, made mockery of the opposition, cited statistics, and even managed to calculate to a certain extent, how much Britain needs to pay India if she decides to do so. But, in the midst of all the financial talk, he said something that made perhaps more sense than everything else put together: The need to accept a mistake and say sorry. To pay or not to pay is a matter of ambiguous uncertainty but to say that a debt is indeed owed is what is important.

Indirect genocides through the inaction of the British Empire through various famines and the active participation in human rights abuse is something that needs to be accepted. Although it is true that a deliberate mass killing was not initiated but the death toll and one psychological, need to be addressed.

The Unanswered Question

However, one question does remain unanswered.

Sixty-eight years on, do Indians even care about reparations, and for that matter, do any of the former colonies who have since then stabilized, settled into their democratic framework and progressed with the world into the 21^st century?

This question is not meant as an insult to all those who fought for our freedom or who lost their near and dear ones either fighting for or against British rule in India. Only time and the unearthing of bones long put to rest will tell whether we are indeed capable of holding on to an almost seven decade long grudge against people long dead and dusted.

Lèse-majesté laws: Shield of Solemnity or Sword of Silence?

The term lèse-majesté implies injury or harm to the majesty of eminent persons, most often used to describe insults to monarchs and visiting heads of State and Government in many countries of the world. In some countries, it may also be treated as treason.

Since the decline of absolute monarchy in all but a handful of nations, there aren’t any strict laws against lèse-majesté but laws preventing the populace from speaking against democratic governments have instead sprung up, which basically amounts to the same thing.

Image Courtesy: genius.com

Recent incidents of people being charged with lèse-majesté in Europe show that it isn’t taken very seriously and may be categorized with similar laws like defamation or libel. Over years, these laws have been watered down by the rise of democracy and the lack of power wielded by the monarch. A Polish man was fined US $ 6,200 in 2005 for insulting Pope John Paul II, a visiting head of state. In 2007, a man was jailed for a week in the Netherlands for insulting Queen Beatrix. A magazine in Spain was fined for portraying the then Prince of Asturias and his wife engaged in sexual intercourse in 2007.

However, in nations like Thailand, where the monarchy is looked upon in reverence and is almost deified, lèse-majesté laws are brutal and have a maximum of 15 years imprisonment for trying to besmirch the image of the ruler, the head, the face and the symbol of unity of the nation. Also, lèse-majesté doesn’t need to be proved in Thailand, it need only be deemed to exist. The government has taken an increasingly hard line against those who criticize the monarchy, even though the king himself asked the public to do so because even he was prone to making mistakes. From 1990-2006, the country saw approximately 75 cases while it saw over 400 from 2006-2011.

The arguments for lèse-majesté laws can be made on both sides. On one side, they protect the sovereign, who may be the symbolic or actual personification of a nation, from being treated like a common person. On the other hand, it withholds from the public the fundamental right of the freedom of expression. Now that the world is over the whole idea of the ‘divine right’ to rule’, should the monarch still be kept protected or should the people get the right to express discontent and criticize those in power?

How do then governments strike the right balance between preserving the dignity of monarchy and preserve the right to expression? The answer is not  simple one but one perhaps that can be answered by ruling families themselves who can be open to civilized and constructive criticism, and learn to take sarcasm in the right spirit. Looking inward to introspect and improve relations with those devoid of “blue blood” may perhaps yield better results than laws dealing with lèse-majesté.

Whether you are a reader from a monarchical nation or not, I’d like to know your thoughts on the matter.

Is the Illiterate better than the Educated?

The Narrative

So there was this friend of mine who had to go pay her electricity bill and then get to work. To her dismay, she found a long line of people waiting in line to pay their bills. That day she learnt not to wait for the last day to pay a bill. As you will see, a lesson well learnt.

So as she resigned herself to being late to work and getting half a day’s pay getting cut by getting in line, she knew that the boss was wasn’t going to happy. But this was more important. If she didn’t pay the bill today, a lot of other people wouldn’t be happy what with the earth-scorching heat in India rendering even industrial strength fans useless.

So there she stood, drops of sweat dripping down her forehead one by one like the ticking of the seconds hand on her watch. One bill got paid, two, three, four… and then something happened.

A man and someone who appeared to be his valet came into the office. They discussed something and the valet stepped into the back of the queue as his employer went striding directly into the office, not giving a damn to the incredulous looks of all those awaiting their turn.

Image Courtesy: happilyunmarried.com

All this took place in slow motion for her. You see, time tends to slow down the longer you stand in a queue. Every minute becomes longer then the next and one gets the time to ponder upon every thought running in one’s mind till they simply run out eventually.

It was only after she had exhausted every other thought that her mind, craving activity, demanded that she divert herself studying those destined to sweat it out along with her to avoid doing so at home later.

It was then that the man and his valet had appeared from the sunlit doorway and proceeded to do the things they had.

Fast forwarding to five minutes later, when the man came out of the office, summoned his valet to get out of line and bring his car around. Their work there was done, the bill paid, the tea probably drunk and all without breaking a single drop of sweat.

Aghast was the word that she used to describe the expressions of her co –queue mates. Piercing stares followed the couple out the doors, looks probably reserved for the most hateful of criminals and dictators.

And the moment they left, chaos erupted throughout the office. And by chaos, I mean a wild, shouting, discourteous discourse between all those standing in the line. Maybe it wasn’t so dramatic but I’ve been assured it wasn’t murmured whispering of dissent either. Everyone was up in arms about the way that man’s bill had been paid for he had definitely come to pay the bill and he had done it by cutting the queue.

The Mindset

Cutting a queue is considered an act that is viler than even murder in India.

With such a population, queues always seem to be longer than the importance of work to be accomplished at the end of them. And although corruption is an accepted part of life now (debatable), it still invokes the kind of powerless hatred that comes with not being able to stop people who engage in it.

The Takeaway

At the end of this incident, an old woman made a very compelling statement that struck right at the heart of “educated” society. She said, and I paraphrase, “The way these literate people behave, it’s better to be illiterate.”

Such a poignant statement from one so experienced is not to be taken lightly and although the lady may be making a gross generalization enveloping all kinds of people under one umbrella of honesty and corruption, the thought dos have merit, at least in this case.

The Million Dollar Question

Assuming that you who read this are literate, allow me to pose a question:

Is the educated Indian really working towards abolishing corruption or engaging even more in its depravity?

Haiku #11 – An Illogical Choice

Image Courtesy: slayerment.com

In this modern age,

Where science explains life itself;

Religion still rules.

Note: This Haiku is written in the Indian context where political leaders and pseudo-experts claim that cures to dreaded diseases are contained within religious texts without any proof.

A #YehBhiMauka Moment for the “Other” Indian Sports

India has played a variety of sports since its Independence and gained prominence in many of them in various international competitions. However, in recent times, other sports have taken a very conspicuous back seat to the loud, boisterous and very heavily financed game of cricket.

India as a Sporting Disaster became even more prominent last year with its exclusion from the Olympics. However, with multiple gains in various games by the national teams, India seems to be taking its game to the next level once again. But as usual, these games aren’t getting much mileage and that is very disappointing from a nation that probably plays every game except rugby.

Here is why Indians have cause to celebrate its “Other” games:

The Men’s Hockey team is in the World League

The Indian team has already qualified for the Rio Olympics by winning the Asian games gold medal in 2014. Now they are going to play in the penultimate round of the World league and they still cannot garner the kind of support they should expect from their own nation. Let’s support them now and in the Olympics for they do bear the flag of the nation on their jersey and in their hearts.

Three Badminton Players are ranked in the Top 10

Olympic bronze medallist, Saina Nehwal is ranked second in the world in women’s Badminton. K Srikanth is placed third and Parupalli Kashyap is placed tenth in the men’s category. Moreover, PV Sindhu, Jwala Gutta and Ashwini Ponnappa are ranked in the top 20 in singles and doubles categories. If having six players from India ranking in the top 20 in various categories isn’t enough to support them, then what is?

Indian Football team is playing its 2^nd WC Qualifier

The Indian man’s football team is playing its second FIFA world cup qualifier against Oman after winning the first round against Nepal. This time, the team and management are expecting to go quite a long way and hope for the support of the country that has no expectations from the team due to their dismal past performances. In fact, no broadcaster except thenational channel acquiesced to even telecast it.

The Women’s Hockey Team is Playing in the World League

The women’s team will play the semi-final of the World league Hockey, same as the men and try to secure its spot in the final of this tournament as well as try to secure its place in the Rio Olympics, which it is yet to do. The nation needs to reminisce about Chak De India and really cheer both of its teams so that Indian Hockey can be proud to represent its nation.

#YehBhiMauka

Come on India, now is the time to Bleed Blue and support all our sports with the same vigour and spirit. Equal importance and enough motivation can work wonders. Tweet with the hash tag #YehBhiMauka to support all our sports because they too deserve your love and respect for being the champions that they are.

In Defence of a Sexist Prime Minister

According to our honourable Prime Minister, being intolerant of terrorism is a great thing, especially is someone manages it doing it despite having ovaries. Impressive, wouldn’t you say?

Well, everyone else thought so too. It is indeed quite spectacular to see the leader of the nation doling out a generous serving of a sexist “compliment” to the leader of a friendly nation. One would think he would also feel the same way about one of his predecessors who despite being the only the second woman Prime Minister in the world, held a dim view of the whole terrorist agenda in general.

Just innocent Prime Ministerial banter as usual.

Well, it would be wrong to place the blame for a sexist remark squarely onto his shoulders alone. He is merely the victim of the latent sexism and masochism and the patriarchal mindset that has been traditional in Indian politics for so long that people stopped talking about it in the last century.

Surely our beloved leader did not mean to degrade the office of a fellow Prime Minister and sound condescending in the worst way possible just because that country is indebted to ours for their very freedom. If it came to that, he could make the same innocent mistake with German Chancellor Angela Merkel, Brazilian President Dilma Rousseff or say South Korean President Park Geun-hye.

In fact, there is a counterpoint to this whole thing which shows how much the PM cares about women, even those who don’t need it. His government recently refused to consider sending omen to the front lines in battle because guess what would happen if they were captured and held prisoners of war. Wonder what horrors await them in those concentration camps reserved especially for Indian soldiers in the country that uses pigeons as spies!

Although, I’m sure female soldiers would have preferred the Union Defence Minister treat them the same as their male counterparts. But, this is India, the land where women need to be kept safe from foreign assaults but can be raped, mutilated, murdered and thrown out of moving vehicles in the capital of the country. I’m sure they understand that.

So please stop criticizing the Prime Minister, at least when he is on a foreign visit. He represents our entire nation and our thoughts and our actions and our behaviour. He is the embodiment of all that we are and all that we aspire to be. To speak against the Prime Minister who has male genitalia and is flaunting his oratory skills in a foreign nation is against national interest.

Hope he had a better time than PM Sheikh Hasina.


Note: This post is a sarcastic take on what may or may not have been a highly sexist remark by one Head of Government to another. Definitely not to hurt anyone's feelings and sentiments. it is also not to debase or to defame our PM.

This Seat is Reserved - Five ways to grab seats in a public bus

In India, public transport is cheap as it is want to be and there is a lot of public to use this transportation as is evident from the population of this country. There is always a mad rush to get into these buses, especially by people who travel to other cities to work. Added to this force are irregulars who just want to go to the other city. The resulting crowd goes so berserk at the site of a us that the people are pushed aside, pushed, pulled, shoved and crammed into a vehicle 10 years past its decommissioning date.

Almost... there... aaahhh...
Image Courtesy: theembarrassment.wordpress.com

So we Indians, as usual, have a jugaad for this not-getting-seat problem too. Our ingenuity truly is visible only in such times of desperation. Here are things people do to get a seat on public transport:

The Bag Throwers

People going to work tend to carry bags but people here sometimes carry bags just to throw them through the windows into empty seats. These people then take their own time climbing into the bus since they’ve assured their seat on it. They will then ascend as the bus starts to move, push past the other bewildered and mumbling passengers to pick up their bag and enjoy the seat they reserved not by being first in the queue but first to an empty window seat.

It looks so innocent... just lying there
Image Courtesy: langyaw.com

The Handkerchief People

Now that you know about the ‘Baggies’, we now move on to the ‘Hankies’. These people are too lazy to carry a bag so they use what is essentially a necessary product for everyday life – a handkerchief – to reserve their seats. The technique is the same as above but instead of big and marginally heavy bags; they use a piece of cotton cloth that passes as a ticket in public transport. And, it is completely valid as long s the conductor doesn’t interfere.

The ‘Taken’ Neighbours

No, these are not people whom Liam Neeson has saved from foreign gangsters. These are people who ask other to reserve their seats for them if they manage to climb up before them. The regular travellers develop a kind of bonding that happens when you spend a lot of time smelling each other’s armpits and borrowing newspapers to read on the commute. This, in turn helps them save places for each other so they can discuss which character did what horrible thing to another character on some television show.

Sorry, Occupado!
Image Courtesy: thestar.com

The Regulars

As mentioned earlier, the people who commute are the majority on these buses and over time, they sort of start respecting each other’s places like what usually happens in school or college. But even then, there is always some smartass newbie who thinks he/she can sit wherever they want. These people are scorned and the seats reclaimed even if that person get up to adjust their bag in the overhead holding deck. And the others, they just nod their approval in sadistic satisfaction.

Get off my seat... NOW!
Image Courtesy: worldnomads.com

The Legitimates

Well, these people don’t bother with the rush and the long lines and the pushing and shoving; they already have a ticket. For those who don’t know, people in public transport buses can buy tickets before or after climbing into buses. The ‘Legitimates’ are the only group of people who seem to have mastered the art of being wholly cool and buying their ticket at the counter. They stand round, saunter in and take their place reserved with an ‘X’. If there is an unreserved passenger sitting there, they will be reprimanded for their transgression with the show of a ticket. Fights often erupt because of their cocky nature.

Yeah, that's right. Yes, I do have a ticket.
Image Courtesy: wricities.org

I Founded my own Country!

“Give me Liberty, Give me Land, Give me Liberland!”

This is what Vit Jedlicka, the founder of a 7 sq km piece of land on the Danube River probably shouted at politicians from both Serbia and Croatia when they told him he couldn’t just go to an unclaimed piece of land and set up his own damn country. Why he asks? Because it’s apparently nuts!

Well, ask Jedlicka and his merry band of Liberlanders? Liberians? Liberlandians? Liberties? If they give a damn about what anyone says about their state of mind as they hoist their flag, sing their new national anthem and being totally awesome by giving the finger to their collective governments who made the mistake of allowing dual citizenship because they thought their citizens were responsible adults. Yeah, these people come from all parts of the world. I wanted to go to but it seems India does not trust its people like the Turkish government does.

There are a surprising number of self-styled Presidents and Kings and Dukes who’ve tried in the past and keep trying in the present to establish their own nations inside other nations, on no man’s land like Jedlicka did, by encroaching upon the sovereignty of more than one nation or in the middle of the ocean. Seriously!

Not Featured here: An Emperor.
Image Courtesy: Republic of Molossia.

These people even held a United Nations-like conference in April this year so that they could get to know each other, discuss their problems and know why they thought establishing their own country was a good idea in the first place. One guy is trying to get his own country near Egypt because he wants his daughter to be a real Princess. Really? And guess what all you little, less fortunate kids of the world; Disney is even making a movie on her! Go cry.

The establishment of such micro-nations, as they have been termed, is a growing trend even if it’s not a new one. The thought-provoking thing here is why all these people want their own countries?

 Is it because they’re tired of living in one country?

Happens to us all

 Is it because they don’t like the laws?

Well, nobody does

Is it because they’re trying to bring a revolution?

That makes sense

Do they want their children to be Disney Princesses?

There is something wrong with people

Do they want more international chaos than what already exists?

Peace is so boring

Do they want an army to chase them back home and then get ‘exiled’ status?

Definition of FUN!

Do they actually have a reason at all?

The Mystery!

Although all these Highnesses and Majesties and Honourables don’t have one particular answer to this question, it seems like governments who have problems with these people will sooner or later stop laughing at them and realize they should have stopped them a long time back… when they could. But by then:

WELCOME TO THE NEW WORLD ORDER