When Parents FAIL their Children all over again

Some parents I’ve noticed have this annoying habit. A habit they do not realize does more harm than good; a habit that discourages instead of bringing improvement; a habit that affects the psyche instead of the outlook; a habit that is akin to kicking someone who has fallen, laughing in their face, and then telling them how much you love them.

This is the habit of parents showing the whole world what spectacular and utter failures their children are by putting their shortfalls on full display before all to see and then inviting some more people to come and have a good laugh that’ll brighten up their day. This will then probably lead to an innocent either jumping from the terrace or hanging from the fan if they’re not strong enough to take the insult or smart enough to understand its purpose.

Let’s face it, there are such parents. And what’s worse, they are more in number than those parents who like to show the world that their children are the best in the whole wide world. Admittedly, that isn’t any good either, extremes rarely are, but at least it is talked about and ridiculed. However, the other end of the spectrum? It isn’t talked about in the way the adulation is spoken of. It is hardly ever criticized in society that is.

Image Courtesy: theodysseyonline.com

There is rarely one who is strong enough to stand up to the parents and ask them to stop the rigmarole because at that moment, the child is the one who has let the parents down, who has tarnished the family name, who has failed in class, who has lost the competition, who has bunked a class, ho didn’t get into a good college, who didn’t get that gold medal, who didn’t care about what parents wanted. The child is to blame fair and square.

But one would think that parents, before using this innovative method of insulting their children before family and friends, would stop for a moment and think about what this would achieve.

Does ridicule raise confidence?

Does insult dull the injury of failure?

Does shame induce self-confidence?

Does derision ensure better performance?

Does humiliation beget better results?

Does indignity tend to inspire?

These are the questions that these parents need to ask themselves before going out into that party and shaming their children before others because you never know how someone will react to such shaming.

Your children might not understand that you do it out of love or desperation or some other sort of correctional method. In that moment, they just know pain all over again.

For some, it is too late. For others, it is not.

Please find a better way.

I’ve been meaning to write about this topic for quite some time now and a friend fortunately brought it up on Facebook recently. She saw this happening on an Indian soap opera and spoke out against it which led me to ultimately writing this piece. If you do think the problem is real, share this post with either the student who is suffering from this, or with the parent who thinks ridicule only makes things better.

Change that Channel: Putting on Blinders or Protecting your Children?

Growing up in a household where Doordarshan was the only channel on television in classes X, XI and XII, I know how hard it is to be relegated to a monotonous voice saying something while you attempt to “make” something out of your life, “work hard now to reap fruits later” and “study hard, college is all about fun”.

Parents regularly attempt to contain their children’s consumption of television content by locking channels, unsubscribing to them, denying permission and deriding their choices if they watch channels they think are unsuitable or “not good” for them.

Putting on Blinders

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Now, is it not possible that the parents, by restricting access to content, are limiting their children’s exposure to the wider range of experiences available to the next generation? Are they not putting on blinders on their children? Are they not letting them see a partial worldview by limiting the content that they watch?

Apart from the news, there are many such topics which have a variety of opinions and each need to be viewed and heard to have a complete understanding of the same. By restricting half of the content, a partial message is conveyed and ideas that are developed then tend to move only in one direction. There is a certain lack of objectivity, and in some cases, radically and disastrously so.

Protection from Bad Influence

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It is not always that parents restrict content to their children based n their own prejudices. It may also be so that they may actively attempt to curate television content in a way that only the best things come across. But this is also based own personal experiences and prejudice. Subjectivity would probably hamper the development process; however, that does not in any way lessen the importance of good intentions.

However, it must be noted that content on television is monitored and not a lot of content is actually there to subvert young minds. But, a check definitely needs to be kept. How? Now that is the real problem. Also, who can decide what is good and bad? Isn’t that too subject to personal prejudices?

The Million Dollar Question

How does one objectively curate content for children in such a way that it protects them from supposed bad influences while giving them an impartial worldview of all that television has to offer?

Do you have an answer or perhaps an opinion or observation you’d like to share? Well, let’s hear it.

Two boys: One Gay, the other a Terrorist

The boy who gained sympathy from the likes of Hillary Clinton and Ellen Degeneres for being worried about his future in a homophobic world is perhaps no different from the child who is brainwashed by terrorists and ordered to execute a Syrian soldier in cold blood.

Both these boys are rightfully afraid for their present and future because they live in a world where both of them are considered non-conformist, alien and diseases.

• One is scared of being shunned, the other of being shot.
• One is scared of being marginalized, the other of maximum security prison.
• One is scared of his father on Earth, the other of his father in Heaven.
• One lives in the closet, the other in the wilderness.
• One knows his choice will not change, the other does not have one.

It is easy for children to feel different from others, what is difficult is bringing them back. The world is becoming a harsh place for the very children who are to inherit this planet. The United Nations report on child rights, their conditions, nutrition and death is appalling.

And in the case of these two kids, the world is a much nastier place because malnutrition, diseases, poverty… these are accepted problems by the world community and everyone is, at least in concept, willing to work on these causes. But homophobia and hatred/fear towards child soldiers are not things governments are willing to talk about.

Image Courtesy: sodahead.com

A large section of the world criminalizes homosexuality and treats it more like a disease than a way of life. The basic human right of love and the freedom of expression are suppressed either by avoidance of discussion or by severe repercussions.

Image Courtesy: dailymail.co.uk

Child soldiers remain in the hands of their terrorist handlers long enough either to get killed by government forces or to grow up believing staunchly in the cause they kill and mutilate for. Then, there is no way back for them.

Engaging in meaningful dialogue through spread of awareness and strong action by governments are not enough. They are a step forward, sure, but not enough by any standard of measure. What the world needs is a change in mindset for people to accept diversity as part of human nature. The children need reassurance that the adult world is there to look out for them and no matter the cost, the future of the race will remain secure.

Indian Media teaches Sexism to School Children Now!

Today, the results of the CBSE class 12 results were announced across India and the kids seemed to have done pretty well. Although I don’t believe in the present system of examination myself, I’m sure we have a lot of proud parents today and others who are saying, “Look, Sharmaji’s son got 0.2% more than you! Which college will accept you now? You have destroyed your career and my reputation!”

Meanwhile the media is all about ‘Girls score better than boys!’ ‘Girls beat boys’ and so on and so forth all over social media. They’ll probably do the same thing on the front page of their newspapers tomorrow morning. And well, the news channels will be doing it right now. Really! Go check.

Ever since this dialogue of sexism has come to the forefront in India, we have been all about the empowerment of women and highlighting their successes and praising their leadership skills. All that is well and good and it is actually helping. But then the media goes ahead and creates the kind of tension that is counterproductive to everything else they think they’re doing for women empowerment.

Image Courtesy: dailymail.co.uk

While the only thing they’re doing is:

They’re creating unhealthy competition

Almost every media house in India has tweeted something to the effect that girls have performed better than boys in this academic year. What they don’t seem to realize is that they’re unconsciously widening the gender rift in academia which is already bad in India. Competition is good, but competition based on plain old gender divisive lines is ridiculous.

They’re creating familial rifts

Nobody can understand this point more than those who have risen in a house with a sibling of another gender. In a still very much patriarchal Indian society, a boy scoring less than a girl is perceived as a shame as it is assumed that the boy is going to be the breadwinner of the family. Looking at such headlines from the family perspective, the media is just putting more pressure on boys to do well. No wonder cases of suicides are going up every year.

Their idea of feminism is as evolved as a chimpanzee

The media wants to empower women but they either don’t know or don’t want to believe that feminism does not encourage putting one gender over the other. It is not about demeaning boys but about bring everyone to the same level. By saying, ‘girls outshine boys’ the only thing they’re proving is that they’re knowledge of feminism is as much as the politicians they label ‘sexist’.

Oh Indian media, when will you figure out what you're really doing?

The Politics of Friendship

There is a question or should I perhaps call it a dilemma, about friendship. And it’s not about two genders, but three.

The problem of what ‘type’ of friends we should and should not cultivate has been a question that is perhaps addressed in every household at one time or another in childhood, teen years and sometimes even adulthood.

Usually these questions revolve around bad influences and those few from shady backgrounds or different cultures. But whether one can have friends from the other two genders is rarely discussed. It is simply understood that persons of those category are out of bounds. That discussion is supposedly purely adult talk and taboo for the same people whose choices are being determined. Funny country!

Personally experiencing ridicule in school because of casual conversations with girls, I learned that along with society in general, even the education system is in denial that there is actually a problem of communication between genders. This gap is sometimes also encouraged through ridicule, excommunication from the peer group and marginalization from the opposite gender.

Image Courtesy: Google Images/extension.org.

These deliberate gender-distancing tactics have, I have realized, long lasting effects on the psyche. Talking just about males and females: Men may grow up to be indifferent, hostile and inconsiderate towards women. Women may grow up to be paranoid, disgusted and perhaps even leery of men.

If not given a chance to understand the dynamics of different genders by mingling, problems are likely to develop in a society that has the misfortune to be the one where such individuals grow up. The blinders put on them as kids are likely to stay on forever, the conditioning of a lifetime giving an extremely skewed vision and a closed mindset.

Perhaps this is what has happened to the people of the third gender. Avoided, shunned and “protected” from them, the rest of society treats them as sub-humans. Marginalized by the society that they should have been accepted into as normally as any other person, the people of the third gender have had to fight a long and arduous battle for the most fundamental rights. And even though the Indian government has accepted them as part of society, there is possibly a long road ahead of them trying to be part of society in this country.

This is the politics of the society we have been born into. Something as fundamental as friendship can also be the reason for discord. It makes one realize the potential for division within us.

Public Display of Affection: The Debate

A lot of people in India have problems with other people hugging, kissing and fondling each other in public places. These people feel that such intimate things should only be done within four walls. Others believe that it is their personal choice to do whatever they wish, whenever they wish to, wherever they want. The argument between the two sides has been escalating for some time now owing to radicals in the former group who wish to preserve the morality of our streets.

There are several factors on which this debate has been raging and it came to the forefront of my thoughts yesterday when my friend brought up the topic. She asked me my opinion on the subject and I gave it. Fortunately, she had an opposing view of the same, which made for a lively discussion.

Here are some of the points we pondered upon.

Choice

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AGAINST: One cannot do anything at any place. People do gross things out on beaches and in gardens. One must see to believe.

FOR: People can do whatever they want until and unless it encroaches upon other people’s rights. Two consenting adults engaged in PDA have decided to do so out of their free will. Who has the right to stop them?

To Look or Not to Look

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AGAINST: It is right in one’s face and that it can be hard to avoid looking even if one tries.

FOR: One has the choice to look away if one is uncomfortable when people are engaged in PDA. It is entirely based upon viewer’s discretion. And it is actually sort of creepy if one stares at two people doing something to each other.

The ‘Kids’ Argument

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AGAINST: It affects kids and their mindset about what’s happening in society.

FOR: Today’s generation comes fully equipped to deal with any question. They have a best friend called Google and a cousin called television. Together, they teach the children so much that it cannot affect them to see it in real life.

AGAINST: But how would it affect them to see all these things happening around them.

FOR: They will ask question, uncomfortable questions. Questions that parents in India still loathe answering; questions that are avoided because the subject itself is taboo. It is only when these questions arise that India will open up to the idea of sex education in the country instead of denying outright that there is nothing like sex and that it is just a myth.

Being Gross

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AGAINST: It is absolutely gross what people do to each other in public places.

FOR: It is an expression of love.

AGAINST: One has to gross to know gross. Some of the things people do are outrageous.

FOR: If people do the same things in their bedroom, it is great. Secretly, everyone wants to do those things, but when others do it, it is gross. That is the hypocrisy of our nation. It is a matter of perspective.

Mindsets

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AGAINST: Do we think that PDA is something that only people of loose moral character engage in because we are brought up to think that way or is PDA really a threat to our morality?

FOR: Yes, we have grown up in a society where sex and everything associated with it is considered taboo. When we look from the lens of this puritanical morality, anything and everything will appear wrong. But, it is only by questioning ourselves, our teachings and logic can we come to any conclusion about the effect that PDA has on our society.

Note: This post has been written like this since it really did happen in this way. And yes, I didn’t want to reveal the name of the person involved in the argument or which sides either of us took. I would like the reader to decide which side makes more sense and I’d like to know what he/she thinks about this issue. Do let me know.

Legitimate Targets

Two days back, the wife of a terrorist leader was captured by the Lebanese armed forces. This came three days after the wife and child of another terrorist leader were captured by the same army. Whether this says something about their intelligence source or is pure dumb luck is another matter; what came after these arrests is what is really amusing.

The latest arrest was of the wife of a regional al-Qaeda commander who is apparently very upset about this particular development unlike al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State of Iraq and Levant (ISIS), another terrorist group, who didn’t even blink at the arrest of one of his wives and a child.

The al-Qaeda guy however, lost his cool and declared every woman, child and man in Lebanon legitimate targets for his terrorist operation. He demanded his spouse be released or the holding forces be ready to face his mighty wrath that would befall anyone within the blast radius of his ‘holy’ bombs.

Commander, with all due disgust, allow me to explain how you’re just stating something that is so passé that even the guy sending your message to the army is chuckling at your naivety.

Image Courtesy: Google Images.

Did you really not blow up innocent people before this? Have you never sent suicide bombers to blow up a busy marketplace or a place of religious worship before? Do you not already have the blood of innocents on your hands and on your soul? Have you not blackened your heart with the funeral fires of thousands of people who died because of your fight for ‘God’?

How can you say that these innocents are legitimate targets now? Was massacring them illegitimate before? Then why did you do it? Do you deny it? No? Why am I not surprised?

How do you expect God to be proud of you when you try to forward your vested interests in His name? You do not want people to fear God, you want them to fear you. You want to give reason to your madness and so you keep telling yourself, your mindless followers and the world that what you’re fighting for is a ‘holy war’ and not to make yourself king of the mountain.

You are no better than the ‘legitimate’ dictators, both, ruling and deposed. In fact, at some level they are better than you because they make no pretence of the fact that they want power. You cower behind your imaginary excuses and the lie atop the bodies of the slain with a ‘legitimate’ reason.

You talk of legitimacy? You have no right. Your wife is probably safer in the army’s hands than are the possibly hundreds or thousands of women that your brainwashed ‘holy warriors’ have raped and murdered to satisfy their ‘holy’ selves. You cannot speak of legitimacy. The very word is dishonoured by being present upon your tongue.

The only thing legitimate by human standards is for you and others like you to hang for your crimes against mankind.

Blackmail on the Ropes

As part of my media studies, I had to go out into the city with my crew and shoot a documentary on any subject whatsoever. Like any good student of the Indian education system, I like clichés, so I decided to shoot a day in the life those who walk on ropes for a living; a subject so worn out that nobody else even considered doing it. But one must admit, it makes for great cinematography any day and is a bit less boring than having a number of interviews that our subjects require.

So we found a family of performers who specialized in this field and made arrangements to shoot them (with cameras) and document their day for an amount of money that was downright obscene even after an hour of haggling and trying to make them understand that we were students and not professional movie-makers. They had got so used to people coming and filming them that they had actually fixed rates to have themselves star in documentaries. Talk about being professional! Thank God they had not yet made an association for this kind of thing or we would have been ripped off big time just for ten marks worth of credits.

Anyway, so we came about to a sum that everyone reluctantly agreed upon. They still thought it was less and we still thought it was too much. Nevertheless, we decided when to shoot and were glad that the negotiations were done.

Photo Credit: Google Images.

Now, the bread-earner in the family was a 9 year old girl whose father did nothing while his family went out to work. The family collected the earnings of the child for the four months that they were in the city and spent the other eight months on these savings in the state from where they migrated.

Skipping ahead to the shoot and its end, we came about to the point where they packed up after their performance and waited for us to pay up. And unlike the times where we usually looked at each other’s faces to see who had money, we all came up with the cash in a flash and went to pay them.

Surprise, surprise! They refused to take the money! Like flat out refused to touch it. On asking about their reluctance to take it, they said that the agreement was for four times the amount we were giving them. What?!! Yeah, that was our reaction.

We reminded them of our agreement but they still stuck to their argument that we had not agreed to the apparently paltry amount we were handing them. We were worried now. We tried to reason with them but then they began bemoaning their poverty and how we were kicking the poor in their stomachs.

Aah! We now realized that they had resorted to emotional blackmail but they didn't realize that we too were hardened negotiators! We tried reasoning despite the fact that we were now angry at their blatant lies but they refused to budge. In the end when they still refused to take the money we were offering we just walked away with the money feeling a little bad but still…

LIKE A BOSS!

Indian Morality v/s Sex Education

Note: This post is not fit for those below the age of 18 since it contains explicit material which they should not be exposed to because they are Indians and Indian children should not be corrupted by the western culture that youngsters like me have fallen into. They should not be dirtied in the mire of sex; Boys till the age of 28 when they are ready to be married off to a girl aged between 18-21 without knowing how to react to their natural urges or menstruation or safe sex or family planning.

Image Courtesy: Google Images.

Having given the above warning I now feel morally right to write about this taboo subject without any of those moral policemen coming up and beating me up to a pulp or parading me naked in the street or hanging me up in a tree or something. Well, you never know…

So it seems like some people who care entirely too much about the morality of Indian people are against sex education being introduced to children in school because they believe that it will have an adverse effect on the gentle and yet untouched minds of the younger generation. Mind you, a generation which thinks nothing of committing rape before the age of eighteen in a running bus, in the capital of the country. These people feel that sex education will tilt their children’s minds in the direction of that horrible and degrading act-which-must-not-be-named. Well, I don’t suppose they know how much porn their innocent children have stored in their hard drives and how much experimentation goes on, more often than not with disastrous consequences. Forgive them Lord, for they are the innocent ones, not their children!

It is curious indeed how hard it is for people to understand the importance of sex education. My generation did not have sex education and neither did any generation before me, except that which some smart parents imparted to their children. Now if we didn't have sex education and still we turned out to be alright, why do we need it now?

We turned out alright, did we? Then how does this generation and those before manage to rape women, spread sexual diseases, get frightened by menstruation, treat women in periods like untouchables, have a football team full of children, discriminate against homosexuals, repress their urges, hurt their partners during intercourse, randomly define unnatural sex, abhor transgender people, confuse their sexual orientation and don’t have a bloody clue about sex change procedures?

There must be a reason right? Yes, it is called lack of information on sex and gender and the role they play in forming society.

India has evolved from an apparently hedonistic society as one can make out from old temples and manuscripts into an ultra-conservationist and Puritanical society like England was in the time of the Lord Protector Oliver Cromwell. The difference is that the change in England came with the change in power while in India it happened over time with the influence of religion and imposed self-righteous morality.

In the course of this transition in India, it has become taboo to talk about sex and its affiliates to even one’s parents because everyone becomes very uncomfortable around these subjects. This problem especially seems to exist between father and son because a mother and daughter do talk about such things since they need to learn about their bodies, or so I've heard. Television channels are changed at the show of some skin and radio stations are changed as soon as a song with apparently explicit lyrics is played. If such is the situation, it is nigh impossible for children to learn what they need to except from those ‘non-existent’ sex education classes.

Modern educationists and leaders need to open their eyes to the need of the day and recognize the value of sex education to children who are today getting exposed to the same at a very young age owing to various factors I don’t need to expound upon. Nobody is innocent in this age of information (unless they live in China or North Korea). It is extremely necessary that children learn about their bodies, their urges and the problems that accompany the wrong use of the wrong things at the wrong age.

It will be a good day indeed when sex education is introduced throughout India.

On Mistrusting your Children…

Dear Mistrustful Parent,

I am forced to write this letter on behalf of your children today because I have seen enough of their suffering and it is time that you notice it too, before it is too late.

Now, after you read this letter, you may wonder why your children didn’t tell you all this. Well, just know that’s because they are scared you’ll become even worse than before or feel that it won’t make single iota of difference to you which is a much more frightening prospect if you ask me.

So, coming to you again. This is what your behaviour normally looks like:

·         You bind your children to yourself.

·         You confine them to the prison you so naively call your home.

·         You check on them like a detective for hire (or you hire one if you have enough money)

·         You go to meet their teachers even when you’re not called.

·         You create a ruckus in their office if they are not there.

·         You wait up at night till they are back home with a shoe, broom or belt in your hand.

·         You call them fifteen times for every hour they are not home.

·         You investigate all their friends like the police do to suspected criminals.

·         You follow them to see where they go.

·         You constantly accuse them of lying to make sure they never do so.

·         God forbid they are seen with members of the opposite sex; you go bat shit insane demanding answers.

And then you tell them that they don’t have a life…

I can understand your need to keep your children safe from this big bad world and give them a better life by protecting them from everything that’s out there. Well, what do your children know? They are so innocent that they will probably go around with the wrong kind of company and get mixed in matters that they shouldn’t get involved in but what about the values that you have imparted to them? What about the strength that you have given them? What about the character that you have built in them? Doesn't that count for anything?

Do you not trust your own upbringing to take care of your children? Do you feel that you were an inadequate parent? Do you feel that your lack of attention towards your children will reflect in their behaviour later on? Is that way you mistrust them so much; because you mistrust yourself?

You may or may not know this, but your children probably feel suffocation, frustration, despair, anger, hopelessness and loneliness because of what you are doing. Your children are like coiled springs ready to unwind the moment there is a tiny ray of hope that they can escape you. In case that they cannot, they try to escape by means of the knife, rope or bottle.

Is this what you want for your children, a life of misery and childhood memories only filled with trauma and unmitigated hatred for you?

I hope not and it is with that hope and a teardrop that I end this letter to you dear Parent.

Yours in hope,

The Concerned Friend.

The Chosen One (Guest Post)

On the 17^th of January 2014, my one and only invitation to write a guest post for another blog materialized when my post, ‘The Power of Division in Religion’ was published on Namrota Mazumdar’s blog, Coffee Beans. Ever since then I've been pestering her to write a guest post for mine, not because I had to compensate for her asking me, but because it was only then that I had understood the concept of having a guest on the blog.

Namrota is one of the best bloggers I've read in this one year of blogging. She is one who puts all her energies into creating a post that is not only engaging but also which conveys all she wants to say in a limited number of words. I can safely say that she has never disappointed her readers, especially me; such a wordsmith of high calibre is she. I am privileged to have her on my blog and what with a post that has implications such that might horrify the best of you.

The Chosen One! Lucky Orphan…

By Namrota Mazumdar

Life duels within a little body that has not seen the world for say more than a couple of years is thrown in the dark and cold well of categories. Categories with tags like lineage, legitimacy, religion…etc. The reason behind such spiteful action is that the child has nobody in the world to call his or her own. The child is an orphan. And the couple who is there to choose a baby to make their own…to call their own have their preferences listed already.

They don’t have children, Mother Nature was harsh on them and for some medical reason they can’t conceive a baby. So, they are at an orphanage to pick a baby. Now when it’s in their hands to select their child, they put forward their tiny list.

No medical problems
Must belong to their religion (caste doesn't matter, they aren't sectarians; blessed souls)
Legitimate birth (How can a couple from a good educated family bring home a child born out of rape or out of wedlock?)

Not much they are asking, are they? God bless them!

Not everyone is so much privileged to have their choice materialize. Like the husband once mentioned to one of his kin, who thought otherwise about their list, we go to buy apples we pick the lovely red juicy ones. Handsome thought I must say, putting babies and apples side by side, the best fruit known to humanity…remember the saying, “An apple a day keeps the doctor away”. How many of us get to choose our children, eh? Lucky couple! And what perfection personified parents the chosen one would be honored with. The child would grow up with their values and principle and carry forward the purity of humanity the foster parents preach and practice. Lucky child!

So, maybe it’s not cold and dark well nor the action is spiteful, is it? I take back my words and gracefully bow down to the couple and their likes. 

Selective Censorship in India

Off late, I’ve come to realize that censorship in India is a pretty selective process. Only those things that the panel find distasteful are edited out or cut completely so that Indian viewers don’t have to watch all kinds of “BAD” things and be disgusted or morally corrupted by the same.

Image Courtesy: Google Images.

Of course, the cinema, television and advertising industry in the western nations don’t need to take care of these things because they are already morally void, so they think. But we Indians, no no no no no, we are those who uphold our culture and moral traditions in the strictest sense. We cannot allow nudity, intimacy, slang, smoking, drinking and rape to go up on any type of screen in India because it would horrify the masses because they don’t spew swear words out of their mouths, they don’t smoke or drink and they most definitely never have sex. The population of India has merely increased due to asexual reproduction.

Now if the various censor boards for different kinds of media in India feel certain things should not go up, there must be a reason and I just stated it, but doesn’t bribery and corruption come under the degradation of morals and ethics that they so loudly preach through their scissor-wielding arms that cut of other things from camera reels?

Image Courtesy: Google Images.

I recently saw an advertisement that has been bothering me since the first time I watched it. The ad shows some kids in a classroom trying to decide which one of them would be the opening batsman for the school cricket team. Many people ask for the opportunity but the child on the first bench just makes sign with his hands, the captain goes to him and the former kid shows him his tiffin box which contains chappatis with jam in them. The captain tastes one and makes the kid the opening batsman.

What does this ad portray?

I know that at first glance or in the first reading, it may appear to be a pretty normal ad for jam and appear to be reinforcing the fact that the jam is very tasty. But if one looks into the ad, one might realize that this is a case of clear bribery and that too among children. The kid bribes the captain to give him the opening spot on the team by parting with a jam roll.

And this advertisement is meant for kids.

Unbelievable!

Dos this ad not show the kids of India that they can get things done by simple bribery? And is bribery not morally and ethically “BAD” for the Indian population?

Oh but that’s quite alright I guess or the censor board might have been too busy editing out naked men and women from perfume ads to notice the blatantly corrupt message that this advertisement gives to the children, albeit very innocently.

The people who sit on such panels should realize that rather than attempting to stop scandalizing the population of India, they should attempt to stop this corruption of children’s mentality.

The Working Children of India

We, the people of a stable financial standing often notice those who are far less fortunate than us. We see them everywhere, at least here in India, where the number of poor people far outnumbers the population of some small countries.

We noticed them as kids, understood the bitter facts of life and even felt sorry for them. But then we kept seeing them every time we left the house, every time we drove down the road and every time we went to a place of worship. We saw them so often that some of us have got used to them, we feel that they are just part of the background now and they are here to stay.

Have we ever spent a moment in thought of those kids who are born in abject poverty? Yes, we have seen them at crossroads and fairs selling stuff like balloons and stickers and candy; but have we really noticed them?

We see people with healthy bodies begging, we see these people asking for money in the name of God, but do we really see the children? Not the children who are made to beg, but those who enterprise to earn their livelihood through work? Those small captains of industry, those small artists, and those small officers of the service industry who refuse to take handouts without the sweat of their brow?

In my time in this metropolis, I’ve come to notice these children; it’s very hard not to. Children who polish shoes, children who sing, children who perform gymnastics, children who sweep trains and children who wash vehicles are in an alarming number in this city. Unlike those whose who choose to beg, these little ones either choose to or are taught by their parents to earn with a hard day’s labour, such as is not possible for a child of a more fortunate family to do.

I’ve interacted with some of these children, some with just one or two words, some with more and they have taught me more about the fruits of hard labour than I’d managed to in my moral science class. These children do not accept money without doing their work, they do not even ask for it unless one allows them to render their services. I believe that it is these children and not the youth of today who will be the true backbone of this nation one day.

It makes me sad to see them out of school and in the streets fighting to survive another day, but it also gives me hope that if the children of India are ready to work more than those who are supposed to, we will indeed be a great nation once more.

Teaching OR Preaching?

[Missionary schools, of a number of religions operate in India with a view to bringing up the children of their particular religion with a religious learning along with state-approved education. The young ones are taught the ways of their creed and are helped along the way by the holy ones who think it is their duty to bring up the next generation with as much piety as the previous one.

But there is one problem, not all children in some of these schools are of the same religion. People from across the cultural spectrum send their children to missionary schools.

One tolerates because one HAS to, but one accepts because one WANTS to. If children are educated in the way that they develop as citizens who view their fellow men beyond the boundaries of religion, I believe the world would be a better place to live in.

Religion aside, it is widely accepted that sending one’s children to missionary schools ensures better manners, better language skills, higher moral values and above all, a better human being.

Note: This post is written on the basis of my observations only. It is based on my understanding of missionary schools, not of one but multiple religions. This post has not been written to hurt anyone’s religious sentiments. This is also not a post against any missionary institutions. Anything and everything debatable or hurtful written here is purely coincidental.]

[This is my article for the Youth Connect magazine. You can read the entire article here: Missionary Schools: Teaching Or Preaching?]

Haiku #9 – The Cost of Life

A haiku, a small contribution towards the awareness of an evil that thrives on sucking out the life of our society: our children. 

Image Courtesy: Google Images.

In poverty born,

Bred without bread, books, abode;

At a brothel sold.

The Bane of Education

Now I know that this is a worn out issue and everyone is tired of listening and reading about the state of education in India. However, I’m still going to rant about it because I’ve just about had it with trying to remember dates and Acts of the Constitution and the number of internet users who are active on social networking sites. It has come to the point where it’s probably screwing around with my mind because there seems to be a reference of study material in almost every third sentence I utter!

What is the point of learning for the sake of learning?

And what is the point of learning something that has no practical application?

And what is the purpose of learning something that one can possibly have no interest in?

These are some of the questions that swirled around in my head as I attempted to relax after the completion of my exams just a few hours ago.

I’ve often wondered why nobody ever taught us how to calculate taxes, how to survive in hostile conditions, how to defend ourselves in times of danger, how to judge what was morally correct, how to apply logic, how to understand theories and their application, how to give back to the society and how to live in peace with nature.

Basic life skills do not seem to be taught at all. Even at the graduation and post-graduation level, I’ve noticed people studying only subjects that are necessary to get them a job. I’ve seen many a talent go to waste because their passions do not coincide with the amount of money they hope to earn. We do not even have the concept of doing something because one wishes to do so. Study something because of genuine interest. It is just about money. It is always about money. And the education industry today endorses it by ensuring job placements and attractive salary options rather than good education.

Although I understand the need for education, I sometimes really feel that,

‘We Don’t Need No Education.’

Here is a poem that I’d written a long time ago about the condition of education as I saw it.

A Student’s Burden

As I go a passing by,

I see some students trudging by,

With bag loads full of studying books,

People giving them pitying looks;

Off they go to school.

Small kids & big ones alike,

Look like they’re speared on a pike,

Schools turning out robots by the ton,

Aw! Come on, when will they learn

The stark reality.

The education system is skewed,

With the kids’ language turning lewd,

Universities turning to dust,

The students' brains rotting with rust,

What is our future?

With money running through the veins,

And students taking many pains;

The quest for knowledge now has ended,

Its great fort now undefended,

Is falling down in ruins.

                                            -  Brendan R. Dabhi

The Fight for the Streets

It had been an exhausting day with assignments, voice-overs, projects and a heavy dose of ‘Contempt of Court’ in college. When we finally managed to escape at about 4 pm, we were half dead and in dire need of tea, the international symbol of rejuvenation and the ultimate reviver of all things that are brain dead. And no, I do not exaggerate. So the four of us proceeded to the nearest corner and ordered tea.

That is when it happened - The gang war. Not of thugs or dogs, but of the multitude of shoe-shine boys one finds roaming around the office complexes in Ahmedabad.

As we were sitting there, sipping tea and just talking about nothing in particular the effect of Iran’s nuclear deal in respect to India’s oil export, we noticed a commotion just across the road. There were about six boys around the ages of 8-10 talking down another one of them. The poor kid most probably being bullied or made fun of for not earning enough. He started crying after a few minutes of silent sulking. Getting increasingly encouraged, the other boys continued while a few of them stopped and looked concerned. Having enough of this nonsense, the victim finally snapped and threw a punch at the principal offender who was about two inches taller than him. After that, it was a complete free-for-all and the rest of the boys just picked their jousting partners at random and there began the first kiddie street brawl I’d ever witnessed in my twenty one years.

This scene was being observed by around thirty or forty people from offices around the block. Some of them even bought peanuts from a nearby vendor and began cheering them on. People were just watching as if this were some form of entertainment and a delightful diversion from their mundane lives of home-office-home. I felt as if I’d gone back to the glorious days of the Roman Empire and was seated among the bloodthirsty crowd in the Coliseum. No one, absolutely nobody gave a damn about the plight of the kids, and if they did, they sure didn't show it there. Yeah, who wants to get in the middle of a brilliant fight and get mixed up with the supposed child labour mafia that they saw in Slumdog. Anyway, the fight continued till the tallest boy caught the collar of the crying kid and asked in the meanest tone he could manage,

“Idhar ka Don kaun?” (Who is the Don of this area?)

Wow! Silence. Everyone was stunned by what the little blighter had managed to say and with such conviction! After that, the rest of the boys caught the little one and took him away before anyone could do anything about the situation.

I don’t think I need to write anything more about this since all my readers are capable enough to understand the implications of what I've witnessed today. Some of us must have witnessed such things happening in our own cities and countries and others must have heard about it; but everyone has surely understood the plight of children today, at least in India.

Where is compulsory education?

Where are anti child labour laws?

Where are children protection groups?

Where is the social and moral responsibility of parents?

Where are the police?

Where does the moral fibre of civilized society stand today?

These questions lie unanswered and will probably remain so for the foreseeable future.