That
perhaps is one of the hardest letters to write to a conservative Indian parent.
Fears of
loss, hatred, marginalization and pain accompany the decision to call a parent
one knows is not going to accept their choice. Tremendous courage and hope for
understanding and failing that, reconciliation is the only thing that can help
mitigate the fear of telling this parent that one is staying with one’s partner
outside of marriage.
Here is one
such letter from a hopeful son to his father.
Dad,
You
must be surprised that I wrote you a letter but believe me, in this case, it
was the only way I could sufficiently put down everything I want to tell you.
The telephone, the tone of voice, the emotion; it all is too much of a
distraction.
I’m
in love with a magnificent woman named Anna and we’re in a live-in
relationship. We have been so for a month now.
This
must come as a shock to you as I haven’t said anything about her or us till
now. But there is a reason for that. I don’t know if you’re angry or sad or
disappointed in me but I must still shamefully ask you to trust in me.
I
know that you and mom brought me up believing in the sacred bond of marriage
and you must feel that you could have done something more, especially after
this letter. Please don’t, it isn’t your fault, it is just my choice.
I
love her and she loves me and we have done so for over three years now but mom
only knows her as one of my friends. She turned out to be something much more
and I see her as my partner for the rest of my life. Perhaps we shall also
marry one day but that day isn’t today or tomorrow or at least in the next five
years.That
day might also never come.
It
isn’t the fault of education or this big city or bad influence that has led me
here, it is the realization of what is good for Anna and me and how we want to
live our lives, at least for the moment, without societal shackles till we are
absolutely sure than we can bear each other for a lifetime.
I ask
not for forgiveness or acceptance, I ask only for your understanding of the
choice that I have made and am about to in the future. I need you to have my
back, Dad.
Your loving son,
Fred
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