Ahmedabad, you don’t deserve Diwali

Do you celebrate Diwali by bursting crackers? Do you do so on the street? Then this is just the post for you.

Dear entitled, illiterate, rich leech,

You are quite the explosives expert and you certainly have the means to purchase expensive firecrackers and burst them in front of your family, friends, neighbours and anyone else who would like to compete with you in your little phallus measuring contest.

And just because you can afford these things, you think you are entitled to do so wherever and whenever you wish without a care for those who are too evolved, too mature or just too tired from a hard day’s work to stoop down to your level of utter stupidity.

You are indiscriminate

You are the ones who live in big bungalows and high rises but prefer to burst your crackers out on the street because you either don’t want to spoil your squeaky clean colony or disturb your immediate neighbours because they will actually do something about your ridiculous behaviour. So, you decide to burst your crackers out on the street without a care for either pedestrians or drivers. You are a glutton for punishment.

You are callous

You are the ones with the big cars and thousands of rupees worth of crackers who dare not burst them in your colony and so you drive to the street, far from your house, and do so in the middle of the road, all the while shamelessly laughing at your own callousness and the discomfort of others. Your parents should be ashamed of what you have become.

You are dumb

You believe that since the road is public property, your daddy owns it. Surprise you idiot, he doesn’t. We all, and that includes the people you don’t care about, have paid to have these roads built and maintained and we have the right to safe passage without have to bother about getting set on fire or meeting with an accident just because you decided it was fun to throw crackers onto the road. You need more education.

You are like irritating insects

Just like the drone of a fly or the bite of a mosquito, you are the sound that irritates this city. Just because you have the money to buy a truckload of crackers does not mean you are entitled to burst them till one in the night. You violate the basic right of peace when you decide you haven’t had enough fun and continue burning all the excess money that you have in a spectacular display of fireworks. You need to see a counsellor.

You make the police brutal

You complain about the police chasing you away from the roadside and tea shops at night. You think that they are being too brutal and that if they did their job right, you wouldn’t have to suffer for it. But, what you don’t realize, you little dung beetle, is that the police would rather have you off the streets than have to clean up after your racing matches, your loud music, your vulgar behaviour and your drunken brawls. You are not fit to be left unattended on the roads of this city.

You are a disgrace to Gujarati society

Gujarati society claims to be one of the warmest in the country, one that welcomes other cultures with open arms and invites them to live peacefully within it. You however, are the boil on the city that is the face of Gujarati culture. You fill Ahmedabad with pus and disfigure it with your hideous ideas of selfishness, uncaring attitude, and blatant disregard for your fellow human beings. It is because of you that the whole country believes that the people of this city just want to make money and show it off without displaying any signs of respect for education, humanity, communal harmony, equality or intellectualism.

You spoil the image of the entirety of the city’s youth. You deserve nothing.