[US
astronaut Scott Kelly and Russian cosmonaut Mikhail Korneinko have blasted off
in a Soyuz spacecraft to spend a full year at the International Space Station.
They are attempting to create a record of the amount of time spent at this
guinea lab to see what happens to these two lab rats after 12 months in
zero-gravity, drinking recycled piss, hurling around the planet (wheee) and no
sex… at all; a vacation that Valery Polyakov has scoffed at after spending 437
days in an older version of above mentioned space lab, in 1994.
 |
| Image Courtesy: Google Images/NASA. |
Disgruntled
astronauts who were passed over for this glorious mission, including Tom Hanks,
who apparently didn’t learn anything from his Apollo 13 near-death experience,
have alleged that this mission is a front to actually send humans to Mars from
where a signal has been received in a single monosyllable repetition sequence
that goes Om- Om- Om- Om- Om in different pitches. Tom Hanks is so getting
fired for this.
Rakesh
Roshan, Indian film director and the father of a Greek Demigod, seems to have
strong views on the subject. Bruce Willis, who became head of NASA after
blowing up that asteroid aiming for Earth and having a habit of generally Dying
Hard for over a decade is also stoked.
Russia and
the United States, the two nations whose astronauts are on this mission have
vehemently denied these accusations of a world-wide conspiracy, calling them
wild and misleading theories to create panic and bring down the credibility of
their governments. They further denied building space weapons, continuing
research on Skynet, the existence of Area 51 and that Will Smith had been
awarded the Congressional Medal of Honour for bringing down a space plane in
Independence Day.
Note: ISRO
made the bolts for the garbage chute on this vehicle.]
[This is my
article for the Faking News website. You can and probably should read it here:
NASA’s ‘Year in Space’ is a conspiracy to find Jadoo]
Note: This
post has been written for Faking news. Did you notice the ‘Faking’ before the
word news? That’s because this is a parody of mainstream news and is supposed
to be taken in jest and humour.
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